Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 29, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
My "Anniversary" post Glass Half Empty reported on a dark day, not the Celebration I had hoped for. "This too shall pass" was reminded and... it has.
Here from the "12 & 12" book, is what happened:
STEP THREE:
So how, exactly, can the willing person continue to turn his will and his life over to the Higher Power?
He made a beginning, we have seen, when he commenced to rely upon the Fellowship for the solution of his alcohol problem. By now, though, the chances are that he has become convinced that he has more problems than alcohol, and that some of these refuse to be solved by all the sheer personal determination and courage he can muster. They simply will not budge; they make him desperately unhappy and threaten his newfound sobriety.
Our friend is still victimized by remorse and guilt when he thinks of yesterday. Bitterness still overpowers him when he broods upon those he still envies or hates. His financial insecurity worries him sick, and panic takes over when he thinks of all the bridges to safety that alcohol burned behind him. And how shall he ever straighten out that awful jam that cost him the affection of his family and separated him from them?
At first that “somebody” is likely to be his closest Fellowship friend. He relies upon the assurance that his many troubles, now made more acute because he cannot use alcohol to kill the pain, can be solved, too. Of course the sponsor points out that our friend's life is still unmanageable even though he is sober, that after all, only a bare start on the program has been made. More sobriety brought about by the admission of alcoholism and by attendance at a few meetings is very good indeed, but it is bound to be a far cry from permanent sobriety and a contented, useful life. That is just where the remaining Steps of the program come in.
Then it is explained that other Steps of the program can be practiced with success only when Step Three is given a determined and persistent trial. This statement may surprise newcomers who have experienced nothing but constant deflation and a growing conviction that human will is of no value whatever. They have become persuaded, and rightly so, that many problems besides alcohol will not yield to a headlong assault powered by the individual alone. But now it appears that there are certain things, which only the individual can do by himself, and in the light of his own circumstances, he needs to develop the quality of willingness. When he acquires willingness, he is the only one who can make the decision to exert himself. Trying to do this is an act of his own will. All of the Twelve Steps require sustained and personal exertion to conform to their principles and so, we trust, to God's will.
To all of us, this was a most wonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God's intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of A.A.'s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opens the door.
Once we have come into agreement with these ideas, it is really easy to begin the practice of Step Three. In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say:
Take it easy indeed <smile>
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 28, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
Today I "celebrate" five months of sobriety— 154 days, 8 hours and some number of minutes & seconds depending on how long I take to wirite this post.
To celebrate means "to mark (a significant or happy day or event), typically with a social gathering," and also "to do something enjoyable to mark such an occasion: she celebrated with a glass of champagne."
Obviously, the champagne is out <smile>. And considering how I did so love a lighter-than-air, tall, thin, stellar glass or two— or more likely bottle or three— of tiny bubbles, tasting of apples & toast, I'm surprised & encouraged that I neither miss nor want it. I remember fondly— even a bit longingly— but that's all. The ONLY desire for alcohol I have now is nostalgia— and that's NOT enough to "make" me take a drink.
I never expected that. I thought I'd live the rest of my life wrestling myself back and away from wanting a glass of wine. It's not like that at all. My commitment to my sobriety matched with or eminating from the Grace of GOD is all she wrote. Never say never and... Today I say, "Never again."
It's the "other stuff" that's driving me crazy.
Today, what I see is my glass of life is half empty and that's all the water I've got. And it's not enough.
I'll not die of thirst today, but tomorrow or a few tomorrows from now... Highly likely.
I know there's more water in the world. The waters of life are flowing all around me. I just don't know if there's any more for me.
Given who I've been and how I have behaved... The irresponsibilities, carelessness, arrogances & ignorances I've piled one on top of the other make Everest seem an ant hill... The belligerent bastard I was and still have in full-dress uniform within me... All of that and more.
When I do the math I'm screwed. No exit. No way out, up and over the pile of shit I've errected. The quantity & quality of my wrongs is overwhelming to me. The possibility of making ammends highly unlikely. And forgiveness...? Forget it.
This, too, shall pass. That would be good.
Mama didn't say there'd be days like this— especially not days that were made to celebrate something as miraculous as five months of sobriety, but instead are wasted down in the dumps.
But then mama didn't make me an alcoholic either. I did that myself. And dealing with the negative tear my ego's on right now is something else I did and am doing myself— small self, admittedly.
The rollercoaster of recovery. <smile>
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 27, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)
The Honorable Winston Lord (and isn't that a name of destiny <smile>), served as the president of the "Council on Foreign Relations" between 1977 and 1985, Ambassador to China (1985–1989) and Assistant Secretary of State (1993–1997). He worked for Henery Kissinger in the early 1970s.
Here, the true story from an interview about a classic incident with Dr. Kissinger.
WL: I also had to do some speech-writing for Kissinger and Nixon, which I wouldn't recommend to anybody, in terms of the agony outweighing the ecstasy.
INT: Why not?
WL: Because he was very demanding. Kissinger was a speechwriter. He thought speeches made policy, and he took great care on them. I did more of this later when he was in the State Department, so you'd have to go through about 20 drafts and many insults before you got to the final speech.INT: Yeah, biographies of Kissinger have him jumping up and down on speeches. Isn't there an anecdote where... you'd written a speech and he kept having you re-write it and saying, "Can't you do any better?" and clearly he hadn't read them?
WL: Well, basically it was, I went in with a draft, and it was actually of a presidential foreign policy report. This is slightly apocryphal and not directly on your subject here, but I would go in with a draft of the speech. He called me in the next day and said, "Is this the best you can do?" I said, "Henry, I thought so, but I'll try again."So I go back in a few days, another draft. He called me in the next day and he said, "Are you sure this is the best you can do?" I said, "Well, I really thought so. I'll try one more time."
Anyway, this went on eight times, eight drafts; each time he said, "Is this the best you can do?" So I went in there with a ninth draft, and when he called me in the next day and asked me that same question, I really got exasperated and I said, "Henry, I've beaten my brains out - this is the ninth draft. I know it's the best I can do: I can't possibly improve one more word."
He then looked at me and said, "In that case, now I'll read it."
Doing a thing over and over nine times IS a bit much and... there's clearly something to be gained from asking, "Is this the best you can do?"
_________________________
Setting my ego as far aside as I'm allowed, I'd been thinking about all of the negative thoughts I have about wealthy people & successful people that get in the way of my own wealth & success in preparation for our call, so Randy got the full monty right away. AND, that's not to excuse that I have had and still have these exhibits of libel & slander in the case of prosperous me against mini-minded me.
As always, more work to do. <smile>
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 25, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
From the Department of Transparency. Can you guess who the "someone" Randy was speaking with was?
by Randy Gage
I was counseling with someone the other day on why their prosperity is blocked. And the reason was quite apparent…
In a two-minute time frame he must have affirmed at least ten negative things about rich people. Yet he wants to become one. Or at least consciously. But I can tell you that his statements indicate that subconsciously he absolutely does NOT want to be rich, because he thinks rich people are prideful, ostentatious and manipulative. Not to mention exploitative, grandiose and petty. And about five other derogatory things…
When you have a conflict in your conscious and subconscious mind, which one do you think wins?
Exactly.
Don’t worry about your goals or what you say you want.
It’s easy to see someone like Donald Trump who has a lot of money and notice they’re acting boorishly. But numbers-wise, there are actually a lot more broke people who act like jerks. And there are plenty of wealthy people who contribute and serve in untold ways.
Hospitals and schools aren’t built by broke people. Cures to diseases and lasting social change are usually not created by poor people.
Want to do good, help people and save the world? Great. Get the money thing out of the way first.
- RG
_________________________
Setting my ego as far aside as I'm allowed, I'd been thinking about all of the negative thoughts I have about wealthy people & successful people that get in the way of my own wealth & success in preparation for our call, so Randy got the full monty right away. AND, that's not to excuse that I have had and still have these exhibits of libel & slander in the case of prosperous me against mini-minded me.
As always, more work to do. <smile>
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 24, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
This is me, speaking to myself and perhaps to you, too.
Therefore... your goals, visions and prayers— especially prayers— needs be focused on "THY Will not my will" taking your ego-self out of it and turning things over to your GOD-self. Ask and ye shall receive, so it's about asking to KNOW and DO what GOD instructs, directs, has in Divine Mind, because he "knoweth what things you have need of."
There ya' have it. <smile>
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 23, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
my very liberal re-working of Joe Hawk's original.
The ideal: Write it on a PostIt® Note stick it on the inside of my forehead and repeat at least 100 times daily.
Second best: I send this to myself via eMail everyday— sometime a number of times a day.
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 18, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
I'm a fan of Abraham. Here's today's eMail message.
Many people are approaching life from the flawed premise that if they work hard and struggle long and pay a big enough price, they will then be rewarded with financial well-being. And since they do not realize that in their struggle they are denying themselves alignment with the abundance they seek, when the abundance does not come, they attribute it to luck or favoritism that is being directed away from them and toward another. But there is no luck or favoritism.
As you gradually train your own thoughts into those of positive expectation, as you align with thoughts of worthiness and Well-Being, as you align with your true power by seeking good-feeling thoughts—you will no longer offer resistance to your own abundance.
And when your resistance stops, your abundance will come. A flood of good-feeling ideas and possibilities will flow to you. Opportunities and propositions will be plentiful. And soon you will stand in knowing amusement that all of this was always there within your reach, but in your resistant state of attraction, you were not yet able to experience it . . . but then, it came— not because of your struggle but because of your ease.
— Abraham
Stop struggling. Take it easy. Now there's a concept. <smile>
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 17, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen"(Heb.11:1).
Desire is a strong feeling of wanting or wishing for something to happen.
Hope is the feeling of expectation that it will.
Belief is accepting that expectation is true or real.
Faith is trust or confidence that it will happen in the absence of proof.
Knowing is to be absolutely certain or sure it will happen.
We (and me) move from one "state" to the next. Sometimes in an instant. Sometimes over time.
My "goal" these days is to to "stand" in/come from that place of Knowing always & in all ways as often as I can
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 16, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
From my Sponsoer Bob on our "coaching" call last night, this sage advice:
Odd as this (& that) may seem, whenever I would speak-up for my self in the past there was often (most always) an edge on it. The anger & resentment of NOT being willing to ask for / say what "I" wanted would color what I said and how I said it. That's the "mean" part.
There's not only more peace
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 15, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
In a recent post titled RE Feel, which dug into the all-important word REsentment, I wrote that the prefix RE, meant once more, afresh, anew. In short again. Since that post, I've been extra-alert to how very many English words begin with "re" and have been looking at the "again, once more" implication when "re" words are used.
To that end (and beginning with "re"), here's a list of 9, 8, 7 and 5 letter words from http://www.scrabblefinder.com/. 3684 of them. Blows my mind. Yours?
The picture? It's a REtread <smile>
Reabsorbs, Reacceded, Reaccedes, Reaccents, Reaccepts, Reacclaim, Reaccused, Reaccuses, Reachable, Reacquire, Reactance, Reactants, Reactions, Readapted, Readdicts, Readdress, Readiness, Readjusts, Readopted, Readorned, Readymade, Reaffirms, Reaffixed, Reaffixes, Realigned, Realisers, Realising, Realistic, Realities, Realizers, Realizing, Realtered, Reanalyze, Reanimate, Reannexed, Reannexes, Reanoints, Reaphooks, Reappears, Reapplied, Reapplies, Reappoint, Reapprove, Rearguard, Rearguing, Rearmouse, Rearousal, Rearoused, Rearouses, Rearrange, Rearrests, Rearwards, Reascends, Reascents, Reasoners, Reasoning, Reassails, Reasserts, Reassigns, Reassorts, Reassumed, Reassumes, Reassured, Reassures, Reattacks, Reattains, Reattempt, Reavailed, Reavowing, Reawakens, Reawaking, Rebaiting, Rebalance, Rebaptism, Rebaptize, Rebbetzin, Rebeldoms, Rebelling, Rebellion, Rebidding, Rebilling, Rebinding, Reblended, Rebloomed, Reboarded, Rebodying, Reboiling, Rebooking, Rebooting, Rebottled, Rebottles, Rebounded, Rebounder, Rebuffing, Rebuilded, Reburials, Reburying, Rebuttals, Rebutters, Rebutting, Rebuttons, Recallers, Recalling, Recamiers, Recanters, Recanting, Recapping, Recapture, Recarpets, Recarried, Recarries, Recasting, Recatalog, Recaution, Receipted, Receiptor, Receivers, Receiving, Recements, Recencies, Recension, Recensors, Recentest, Reception, Receptive, Receptors, Recertify, Recessing, Recession, Recessive, Rechanged, Rechanges, Rechannel, Recharged, Recharger, Recharges, Recharted, Recharter, Rechauffe, Rechecked, Recherche, Rechewing, Rechooses, Recipient, Recircled, Recircles, Recisions, Reckoners, Reckoning, Recladded, Reclaimed, Reclaimer, Reclasped, Recleaned, Reclinate, Recliners, Reclining, Reclothed, Reclothes, Reclusion, Reclusive, Recoaling, Recoating, Recocking, Recognise, Recognize, Recoilers, Recoiling, Recoinage, Recoining, Recollect, Recolored, Recombine, Recombing, Recommend, Recommits, Recompile, Recompose, Recompute, Reconcile, Recondite, Reconduct, Reconfers, Reconfine, Reconfirm, Reconnect, Reconning, Reconquer, Reconsign, Reconsole, Reconsult, Recontact, Recontour, Reconvene, Reconvert, Reconveys, Reconvict, Recooking, Recopying, Recorders, Recording, Recordist, Recorking, Recountal, Recounted, Recounter, Recouping, Recoupled, Recouples, Recourses, Recovered, Recoverer, Recrating, Recreance, Recreancy, Recreants, Recreated, Recreates, Recrement, Recrossed, Recrosses, Recrowned, Recruited, Recruiter, Rectangle, Rectified, Rectifier, Rectifies, Rectitude, Rectocele, Rectorate, Rectorial, Rectories, Rectrices, Recumbent, Recurrent, Recurring, Recursion, Recursive, Recurvate, Recurving, Recusancy, Recusants, Recutting, Recyclers, Recycling, Redacting, Redaction, Redactors, Redamaged, Redamages, Redargued, Redargues, Redbaited, Redbaiter, Redbreast, Redbricks, Reddening, Redecided, Redecides, Redeemers, Redeeming, Redefeats, Redefects, Redefined, Redefines, Redefying, Redeliver, Redemands, Redenying, Redeploys, Redeposit, Redescend, Redesigns, Redevelop, Redfishes, Redheaded, Redhorses, Redialing, Redialled, Redictate, Redigests, Redigress, Redingote, Redipping, Redirects, Rediscuss, Redisplay, Redispose, Redistill, Redivided, Redivides, Redivivus, Redivorce, Redliners, Redlining, Rednecked, Rednesses, Redocking, Redolence, Redolency, Redonning, Redoubled, Redoubler, Redoubles, Redounded, Redrafted, Redrawers, Redrawing, Redreamed, Redressed, Redresser, Redresses, Redressor, Redrilled, Redriving, Redshanks, Redshifts, Redshirts, Redstarts, Redubbing, Reducible, Reducibly, Reductant, Reductase, Reduction, Reductive, Reductors, Redundant, Reduviids, Reearning, Reechiest, Reechoing, Reedbirds, Reedbucks, Reedified, Reedifies, Reediness, Reediting, Reedition, Reedlings, Reeducate, Reejected, Reelected, Reelevate, Reembarks, Reembrace, Reemerged, Reemerges, Reemitted, Reemploys, Reenacted, Reenactor, Reendowed, Reenforce, Reengaged, Reengages, Reengrave, Reenjoyed, Reenlarge, Reenlists, Reenrolls, Reenslave, Reentered, Reentrant, Reentries, Reerected, Reevoking, Reexamine, Reexecute, Reexhibit, Reexplain, Reexplore, Reexports, Reexposed, Reexposes, Reexpress, Refalling, Refashion, Refastens, Refecting, Refection, Refective, Refectory, Refeeding, Refeeling, Refelling, Refencing, Referable, Reference, Referenda, Referents, Referrals, Referrers, Referring, Refigured, Refigures, Refilling, Refilming, Refilters, Refinable, Refinance, Refinding, Refitting, Reflagged, Reflating, Reflation, Reflected, Reflector, Reflexing, Reflexion, Reflexive, Refloated, Reflooded, Reflowers, Reflowing, Refluence, Refluxing, Refocused, Refocuses, Refolding, Reforests, Reforging, Reformate, Reformats, Reformers, Reforming, Reformism, Reformist, Refortify, Refounded, Refracted, Refractor, Refrained, Refrainer, Reframing, Refreezes, Refreshed, Refreshen, Refresher, Refreshes, Refronted, Refueling, Refuelled, Refulgent, Refunders, Refunding, Refurbish, Refurnish, Refusable, Refusenik, Refusniks, Refutable, Refutably, Regainers, Regaining, Regalness, Regardant, Regardful, Regarding, Regathers, Regauging, Regearing, Regelated, Regelates, Regencies, Regicidal, Regicides, Regilding, Regiments, Regionals, Regisseur, Registers, Registrar, Reglazing, Reglorify, Reglossed, Reglosses, Reglowing, Regoliths, Regorging, Regrading, Regrafted, Regranted, Regrating, Regreened, Regreeted, Regressed, Regresses, Regressor, Regretful, Regretted, Regretter, Regroomed, Regrooved, Regrooves, Regrouped, Regrowing, Regrowths, Regulable, Regularly, Regulated, Regulates, Regulator, Reguluses, Rehabbers, Rehabbing, Rehammers, Rehandled, Rehandles, Rehanging, Rehardens, Rehashing, Rehearing, Rehearsal, Rehearsed, Rehearser, Rehearses, Reheaters, Reheating, Reheeling, Rehemming, Rehinging, Rehoboams, Rehousing, Rehydrate, Reignited, Reignites, Reimagine, Reimaging, Reimburse, Reimmerse, Reimplant, Reimports, Reimposed, Reimposes, Reincited, Reincites, Reindeers, Reindexed, Reindexes, Reindicts, Reinduced, Reinduces, Reinducts, Reinfects, Reinflame, Reinflate, Reinforce, Reinforms, Reinfused, Reinfuses, Reinhabit, Reinjects, Reinjured, Reinjures, Reinserts, Reinspect, Reinspire, Reinstall, Reinstate, Reinsured, Reinsurer, Reinsures, Reinvaded, Reinvades, Reinvents, Reinvests, Reinvited, Reinvites, Reinvoked, Reinvokes, Reinvolve, Reissuers, Reissuing, Reiterate, Rejackets, Rejectees, Rejecters, Rejecting, Rejection, Rejective, Rejectors, Rejiggers, Rejigging, Rejoicers, Rejoicing, Rejoinder, Rejoining, Rejudging, Rejuggled, Rejuggles, Rejustify, Rekindled, Rekindles, Reknitted, Reknotted, Relabeled, Relacquer, Relanding, Relapsers, Relapsing, Relatable, Relatedly, Relations, Relatives, Relaunder, Relaxable, Relaxants, Relaxedly, Relearned, Releasers, Releasing, Relegable, Relegated, Relegates, Relending, Relenting, Reletters, Reletting, Relevance, Relevancy, Reliables, Reliances, Reliantly, Relicense, Reliction, Relievers, Relieving, Relighted, Religions, Religiose, Religious, Relinking, Reliquary, Reliquefy, Reliquiae, Relishing, Relisting, Relivable, Reloaders, Reloading, Reloaning, Relocated, Relocatee, Relocates, Relocking, Relooking, Reluctant, Reluctate, Relucting, Relumined, Relumines, Remailing, Remainder, Remaining, Remanding, Remanence, Remanning, Remapping, Remarkers, Remarkets, Remarking, Remarques, Remarried, Remarries, Remasters, Rematched, Rematches, Remeasure, Remediate, Remedying, Remeeting, Remelting, Remembers, Remending, Remerging, Remigrate, Reminders, Remindful, Reminding, Reminisce, Reminting, Remission, Remissive, Remitment, Remittals, Remittent, Remitters, Remitting, Remittors, Remixture, Remnantal, Remodeled, Remodeler, Remoisten, Remolades, Remolding, Remontant, Remotions, Remoulade, Remounted, Removable, Removably, Removedly, Renailing, Renascent, Renatured, Renatures, Rencontre, Renderers, Rendering, Rendition, Rendzinas, Renegaded, Renegades, Renegados, Renesting, Renewable, Renewably, Renewedly, Renigging, Renitence, Renitency, Renograms, Renounced, Renouncer, Renounces, Renovated, Renovates, Renovator, Renowning, Renumbers, Reobjects, Reobserve, Reobtains, Reoffered, Reopening, Reoperate, Reopposed, Reopposes, Reordains, Reordered, Reorients, Reoutfits, Reoxidize, Repackage, Repacking, Repainted, Repairers, Repairing, Repairman, Repairmen, Repaneled, Repapered, Reparable, Reparably, Reparking, Repartees, Repassage, Repassing, Repasting, Repatched, Repatches, Repattern, Repayable, Repayment, Repealers, Repealing, Repeaters, Repeating, Repechage, Repegging, Repellant, Repellent, Repellers, Repelling, Repentant, Repenters, Repenting, Repeopled, Repeoples, Reperking, Repertory, Repetends, Rephrased, Rephrases, Repigment, Repinning, Replacers, Replacing, Replanned, Replanted, Replaster, Replating, Replaying, Repleaded, Repleader, Repledged, Repledges, Replenish, Repletely, Repletion, Replevied, Replevies, Replevins, Replicase, Replicate, Replicons, Replotted, Replowing, Replumbed, Replunged, Replunges, Repolling, Reportage, Reporters, Reporting, Reposedly, Reposeful, Reposited, Repossess, Repotting, Repouring, Repousses, Repowered, Reprehend, Represent, Repressed, Represser, Represses, Repressor, Repricing, Reprieval, Reprieved, Reprieves, Reprimand, Reprinted, Reprinter, Reprisals, Reprising, Reprobate, Reprobing, Reprocess, Reproduce, Reprogram, Reprovals, Reprovers, Reproving, Reptilian, Reptilium, Republics, Republish, Repudiate, Repugnant, Repugning, Repulsers, Repulsing, Repulsion, Repulsive, Repumping, Repurpose, Repursued, Repursues, Reputable, Reputably, Reputedly, Requalify, Requested, Requester, Requestor, Requirers, Requiring, Requisite, Requitals, Requiters, Requiting, Reracking, Reradiate, Reraising, Rereading, Rerebrace, Rerecords, Reredoses, Rerelease, Rereminds, Reremouse, Rerenting, Rerepeats, Rereviews, Rerewards, Rerigging, Rerollers, Rerolling, Reroofing, Rerouting, Rerunning, Resaddled, Resaddles, Resailing, Resalable, Resaluted, Resalutes, Resampled, Resamples, Rescaling, Reschools, Rescinded, Rescinder, Rescoring, Rescreens, Rescripts, Rescuable, Resculpts, Resealing, Reseasons, Reseating, Resecting, Resection, Resecured, Resecures, Reseeding, Reseeking, Reseizing, Reseizure, Reselects, Resellers, Reselling, Resembled, Resembler, Resembles, Resending, Resentful, Resenting, Resentive, Reserpine, Reservers, Reservice, Reserving, Reservist, Reservoir, Resetters, Resetting, Resettled, Resettles, Reshapers, Reshaping, Resharpen, Reshaving, Reshingle, Reshining, Reshipped, Reshipper, Reshoeing, Reshowers, Reshowing, Reshuffle, Residence, Residency, Residents, Residuals, Residuary, Residuums, Resifting, Resighted, Resigners, Resigning, Resilient, Resilvers, Resinated, Resinates, Resinlike, Resinoids, Resistant, Resisters, Resisting, Resistive, Resistors, Resitting, Resituate, Reslating, Resmelted, Resmooths, Resoaking, Resodding, Resoftens, Resolders, Resoluble, Resoluter, Resolutes, Resolvent, Resolvers, Resolving, Resonance, Resonants, Resonated, Resonates, Resonator, Resorbing, Resorcins, Resorters, Resorting, Resounded, Resources, Respacing, Respading, Respecify, Respected, Respecter, Respelled, Respiring, Respiting, Respliced, Resplices, Responded, Responder, Responses, Responsum, Respooled, Respotted, Resprayed, Respreads, Resprings, Resprouts, Restabled, Restables, Restacked, Restaffed, Restaging, Restamped, Restarted, Restating, Restation, Restfully, Restiform, Restitute, Restively, Restocked, Restoking, Restorals, Restorers, Restoring, Restrains, Restraint, Restretch, Restricts, Restrikes, Restrings, Restriven, Restrives, Restrooms, Restudied, Restudies, Restuffed, Restyling, Resubject, Resubmits, Resultant, Resultful, Resulting, Resumable, Resummons, Resurface, Resurgent, Resurging, Resurrect, Resurveys, Resuspend, Reswallow, Retacking, Retackled, Retackles, Retagging, Retailers, Retailing, Retailors, Retainers, Retaining, Retaliate, Retallied, Retallies, Retardant, Retardate, Retarders, Retarding, Retargets, Retasting, Reteaches, Reteaming, Retearing, Retelling, Retempers, Retention, Retentive, Retestify, Retesting, Retexture, Rethinker, Rethought, Rethreads, Retiarius, Reticence, Reticency, Reticular, Reticules, Reticulum, Retighten, Retinenes, Retinites, Retinitis, Retinoids, Retinting, Retinulae, Retinular, Retinulas, Retirants, Retiredly, Retitling, Retooling, Retorsion, Retorters, Retorting, Retortion, Retotaled, Retouched, Retoucher, Retouches, Retracers, Retracing, Retracked, Retracted, Retractor, Retrained, Retrainee, Retreaded, Retreated, Retreater, Retrieval, Retrieved, Retriever, Retrieves, Retrimmed, Retroacts, Retrocede, Retrodict, Retrofire, Retrofits, Retroflex, Retronyms, Retropack, Retrousse, Returnees, Returners, Returning, Retwisted, Reunified, Reunifies, Reuniters, Reuniting, Reuptakes, Reusables, Reutilize, Reuttered, Revaluate, Revaluing, Revampers, Revamping, Revanches, Revarnish, Revealers, Revealing, Reveilles, Revelator, Revellers, Revelling, Revelment, Revelries, Revelrous, Revenants, Revengers, Revenging, Revenuers, Reverable, Reverbing, Reverence, Reverends, Reversals, Reversely, Reversers, Reversing, Reversion, Revertant, Reverters, Reverting, Revertive, Revesting, Revetment, Revetting, Revibrate, Revictual, Reviewals, Reviewers, Reviewing, Reviolate, Revisable, Revisions, Revisited, Revivable, Revocable, Revocably, Revoicing, Revokable, Revolters, Revolting, Revolvers, Revolving, Revulsion, Revulsive, Rewakened, Rewarders, Rewarding, Rewarming, Rewashing, Rewearing, Reweaving, Rewedding, Reweighed, Rewelding, Rewetting, Rewidened, Rewinders, Rewinding, Rewinning, Rewording, Reworking, Rewrapped, Rewriters, Rewriting, Rewritten, Rewrought, Rezeroing, Reabsorb, Reaccede, Reaccent, Reaccept, Reaccuse, Reachers, Reaching, Reactant, Reacting, Reaction, Reactive, Reactors, Readable, Readably, Readapts, Readdict, Readding, Readerly, Readiest, Readings, Readjust, Readmits, Readopts, Readorns, Readouts, Readying, Reaffirm, Reagents, Reaginic, Realgars, Realigns, Realised, Realiser, Realises, Realisms, Realists, Realized, Realizer, Realizes, Reallots, Realness, Realters, Realties, Realtors, Reanoint, Reapable, Reaphook, Reappear, Reargued, Reargues, Rearmice, Rearming, Rearmost, Rearouse, Rearrest, Rearward, Reascend, Reascent, Reasoned, Reasoner, Reassail, Reassert, Reassess, Reassign, Reassort, Reassume, Reassure, Reattach, Reattack, Reattain, Reavails, Reavowed, Reawaked, Reawaken, Reawakes, Reawoken, Rebaited, Rebaters, Rebating, Rebegins, Rebeldom, Rebelled, Rebidden, Rebilled, Rebirths, Reblends, Reblooms, Reboards, Rebodied, Rebodies, Reboiled, Rebooked, Rebooted, Reboring, Rebottle, Rebought, Rebounds, Rebranch, Rebreeds, Rebuffed, Rebuilds, Rebukers, Rebuking, Reburial, Reburied, Reburies, Rebuttal, Rebutted, Rebutter, Rebutton, Rebuying, Recalled, Recaller, Recamier, Recaning, Recanted, Recanter, Recapped, Recarpet, Receding, Receipts, Received, Receiver, Receives, Recement, Recensor, Recenter, Recently, Receptor, Recessed, Recesses, Rechange, Recharge, Recharts, Recheats, Rechecks, Rechewed, Rechoose, Rechosen, Recircle, Recision, Recitals, Reciters, Reciting, Reckless, Reckoned, Reckoner, Reclaims, Reclames, Reclasps, Recleans, Reclined, Recliner, Reclines, Reclothe, Recluses, Recoaled, Recoated, Recocked, Recodify, Recoding, Recoiled, Recoiler, Recoined, Recolors, Recombed, Recommit, Reconfer, Reconned, Reconvey, Recooked, Recopied, Recopies, Recorded, Recorder, Recorked, Recounts, Recouped, Recouple, Recourse, Recovers, Recovery, Recrated, Recrates, Recreant, Recreate, Recrowns, Recruits, Rectally, Recurred, Recurved, Recurves, Recusals, Recusant, Recusing, Recycled, Recycler, Recycles, Redacted, Redactor, Redamage, Redargue, Redating, Redbaits, Redbirds, Redbones, Redbrick, Redcoats, Reddened, Reddling, Redecide, Redeemed, Redeemer, Redefeat, Redefect, Redefied, Redefies, Redefine, Redemand, Redenied, Redenies, Redeploy, Redesign, Redheads, Redhorse, Redialed, Redigest, Redipped, Redirect, Redivide, Redlined, Redliner, Redlines, Rednecks, Redocked, Redolent, Redonned, Redouble, Redoubts, Redounds, Redpolls, Redrafts, Redrawer, Redreams, Redreamt, Redrills, Redriven, Redrives, Redroots, Redrying, Redshank, Redshift, Redshirt, Redskins, Redstart, Redtails, Redubbed, Reducers, Reducing, Reductor, Reduviid, Redwares, Redwings, Redwoods, Redyeing, Reearned, Reechier, Reechoed, Reechoes, Reedbird, Reedbuck, Reediest, Reedings, Reedited, Reedlike, Reedling, Reefable, Reefiest, Reejects, Reekiest, Reelable, Reelects, Reelings, Reembark, Reembody, Reemerge, Reemploy, Reenacts, Reendows, Reengage, Reenjoys, Reenlist, Reenroll, Reenters, Reequips, Reerects, Reesting, Reevoked, Reevokes, Reexpels, Reexport, Reexpose, Refacing, Refallen, Refasten, Refected, Refelled, Refenced, Refences, Refereed, Referees, Referent, Referral, Referred, Referrer, Refights, Refigure, Refiling, Refilled, Refilmed, Refilter, Refiners, Refinery, Refining, Refinish, Refiring, Refitted, Refixing, Reflated, Reflates, Reflects, Reflexed, Reflexes, Reflexly, Refloats, Refloods, Reflowed, Reflower, Refluent, Refluxed, Refluxes, Reflying, Refolded, Reforest, Reforged, Reforges, Reformat, Reformed, Reformer, Refought, Refounds, Refracts, Refrains, Reframed, Reframes, Refreeze, Refronts, Refrozen, Refrying, Refueled, Refugees, Refuging, Refugium, Refunded, Refunder, Refusals, Refusers, Refusing, Refusnik, Refutals, Refuters, Refuting, Regained, Regainer, Regalers, Regaling, Regality, Regarded, Regather, Regattas, Regauged, Regauges, Regeared, Regelate, Regental, Regicide, Regilded, Regimens, Regiment, Regional, Register, Registry, Regiving, Reglazed, Reglazes, Reglowed, Regluing, Regnancy, Regolith, Regorged, Regorges, Regosols, Regraded, Regrades, Regrafts, Regrants, Regrated, Regrates, Regreens, Regreets, Regrinds, Regrooms, Regroove, Reground, Regroups, Regrowth, Regulars, Regulate, Reguline, Rehabbed, Rehabber, Rehammer, Rehandle, Rehanged, Reharden, Rehashed, Rehashes, Rehearse, Reheated, Reheater, Reheeled, Rehemmed, Rehinged, Rehinges, Rehiring, Rehoboam, Rehoused, Rehouses, Reifiers, Reifying, Reigning, Reignite, Reimaged, Reimages, Reimport, Reimpose, Reincite, Reincurs, Reindeer, Reindict, Reinduce, Reinduct, Reinfect, Reinform, Reinfuse, Reinject, Reinjure, Reinjury, Reinking, Reinless, Reinsert, Reinsman, Reinsmen, Reinsure, Reinters, Reinvade, Reinvent, Reinvest, Reinvite, Reinvoke, Reissued, Reissuer, Reissues, Reitboks, Rejacket, Rejected, Rejectee, Rejecter, Rejector, Rejigged, Rejigger, Rejoiced, Rejoicer, Rejoices, Rejoined, Rejudged, Rejudges, Rejuggle, Rekeying, Rekindle, Relabels, Relacing, Relanded, Relapsed, Relapser, Relapses, Relaters, Relating, Relation, Relative, Relators, Relaunch, Relaxant, Relaxers, Relaxing, Relaxins, Relaying, Relearns, Relearnt, Released, Releaser, Releases, Relegate, Relented, Reletter, Relevant, Reliable, Reliably, Reliance, Relieved, Reliever, Relieves, Relievos, Relights, Religion, Relining, Relinked, Reliques, Relished, Relishes, Relisted, Reliving, Rellenos, Reloaded, Reloader, Reloaned, Relocate, Relocked, Relooked, Relucent, Relucted, Relumine, Reluming, Remailed, Remained, Remakers, Remaking, Remanded, Remanent, Remanned, Remapped, Remarked, Remarker, Remarket, Remarque, Remaster, Remating, Remedial, Remedied, Remedies, Remelted, Remember, Remended, Remerged, Remerges, Remigial, Reminded, Reminder, Reminted, Remising, Remissly, Remittal, Remitted, Remitter, Remittor, Remixing, Remnants, Remodels, Remodify, Remolade, Remolded, Remorses, Remotely, Remotest, Remotion, Remounts, Removals, Removers, Removing, Renailed, Renaming, Renature, Rendered, Renderer, Rendible, Rendzina, Renegade, Renegado, Renegers, Reneging, Renested, Renewals, Renewers, Renewing, Reniform, Renigged, Renitent, Renminbi, Rennases, Renogram, Renotify, Renounce, Renovate, Renowned, Rentable, Rentiers, Renumber, Reobject, Reobtain, Reoccupy, Reoccurs, Reoffers, Reoiling, Reopened, Reoppose, Reordain, Reorders, Reorient, Reoutfit, Reovirus, Repacify, Repacked, Repaints, Repaired, Repairer, Repandly, Repanels, Repapers, Reparked, Repartee, Repassed, Repasses, Repasted, Repaving, Repaying, Repealed, Repealer, Repeated, Repeater, Repegged, Repelled, Repeller, Repented, Repenter, Repeople, Reperked, Repetend, Rephrase, Repiners, Repining, Repinned, Replaced, Replacer, Replaces, Replants, Replated, Replates, Replayed, Repleads, Repledge, Repletes, Replevin, Replicas, Replicon, Repliers, Replowed, Replumbs, Replunge, Replying, Repolish, Repolled, Reported, Reporter, Reposals, Reposers, Reposing, Reposits, Repotted, Repoured, Repousse, Repowers, Repriced, Reprices, Reprieve, Reprints, Reprisal, Reprised, Reprises, Reproach, Reprobed, Reprobes, Reproofs, Reproval, Reproved, Reprover, Reproves, Reptiles, Reptilia, Republic, Repugned, Repulsed, Repulser, Repulses, Repumped, Repurify, Repursue, Reputing, Requests, Requiems, Required, Requirer, Requires, Requital, Requited, Requiter, Requites, Reracked, Reraised, Reraises, Rerecord, Reremice, Reremind, Rerented, Rerepeat, Rereview, Rereward, Rerigged, Rerising, Rerolled, Reroller, Reroofed, Rerouted, Reroutes, Resaddle, Resailed, Resalute, Resample, Resawing, Resaying, Rescaled, Rescales, Reschool, Rescinds, Rescored, Rescores, Rescreen, Rescript, Rescuers, Rescuing, Resculpt, Resealed, Research, Reseason, Reseated, Resected, Resecure, Reseeded, Reseeing, Reseized, Reseizes, Reselect, Reseller, Resemble, Resented, Reserved, Reserver, Reserves, Resetter, Resettle, Resewing, Reshaped, Reshaper, Reshapes, Reshaved, Reshaven, Reshaves, Reshined, Reshines, Reshoots, Reshowed, Reshower, Resident, Residers, Residing, Residual, Residues, Residuum, Resifted, Resights, Resigned, Resigner, Resiling, Resilins, Resilver, Resinate, Resinify, Resining, Resinoid, Resinous, Resisted, Resister, Resistor, Resiting, Resizing, Resketch, Reslated, Reslates, Resmelts, Resmooth, Resoaked, Resodded, Resoften, Resojets, Resolder, Resoling, Resolute, Resolved, Resolver, Resolves, Resonant, Resonate, Resorbed, Resorcin, Resorted, Resorter, Resought, Resounds, Resource, Resowing, Respaced, Respaces, Respaded, Respades, Respeaks, Respects, Respells, Respired, Respires, Respited, Respites, Resplice, Resplits, Respoken, Responds, Responsa, Response, Respools, Resprang, Resprays, Respread, Respring, Resprout, Resprung, Restable, Restacks, Restaffs, Restaged, Restages, Restamps, Restarts, Restated, Restates, Restitch, Restless, Restocks, Restoked, Restokes, Restoral, Restored, Restorer, Restores, Restrain, Restress, Restrict, Restrike, Restring, Restrive, Restroom, Restrove, Restruck, Restrung, Restuffs, Restyled, Restyles, Resubmit, Resulted, Resumers, Resuming, Resummon, Resupine, Resupply, Resurged, Resurges, Resurvey, Retables, Retacked, Retackle, Retagged, Retailed, Retailer, Retailor, Retained, Retainer, Retakers, Retaking, Retaping, Retarded, Retarder, Retarget, Retasted, Retastes, Retaught, Retaxing, Retching, Reteamed, Retemper, Retested, Rethinks, Rethread, Retiarii, Reticent, Reticles, Reticula, Reticule, Retieing, Retiform, Retiling, Retiming, Retinals, Retinene, Retinite, Retinoid, Retinols, Retinted, Retinued, Retinues, Retinula, Retirant, Retirees, Retirers, Retiring, Retitled, Retitles, Retooled, Retorted, Retorter, Retotals, Retraced, Retracer, Retraces, Retracks, Retracts, Retrains, Retrally, Retreads, Retreats, Retrench, Retrials, Retrieve, Retroact, Retrofit, Retronym, Retrorse, Retrying, Retsinas, Retuning, Returned, Returnee, Returner, Retwists, Retyping, Reunions, Reunited, Reuniter, Reunites, Reuptake, Reusable, Reutters, Revalued, Revalues, Revamped, Revamper, Revanche, Revealed, Revealer, Revehent, Reveille, Revelers, Reveling, Revelled, Reveller, Revenant, Revenged, Revenger, Revenges, Revenual, Revenued, Revenuer, Revenues, Reverbed, Reverend, Reverent, Reverers, Reveries, Reverify, Revering, Reversal, Reversed, Reverser, Reverses, Reversos, Reverted, Reverter, Revested, Revetted, Reviewal, Reviewed, Reviewer, Revilers, Reviling, Revisals, Revisers, Revising, Revision, Revisits, Revisors, Revisory, Revivals, Revivers, Revivify, Reviving, Revoiced, Revoices, Revokers, Revoking, Revolted, Revolter, Revolute, Revolved, Revolver, Revolves, Revoting, Revuists, Revulsed, Rewakens, Rewaking, Rewarded, Rewarder, Rewarmed, Rewashed, Rewashes, Rewaxing, Reweaved, Reweaves, Rewedded, Reweighs, Rewelded, Rewetted, Rewidens, Rewinded, Rewinder, Rewiring, Reworded, Reworked, Rewriter, Rewrites, Reynards, Rezeroed, Rezeroes, Rezoning, Reached, Reacher, Reaches, Reacted, Reactor, Readapt, Readded, Readers, Readied, Readier, Readies, Readily, Reading, Readmit, Readopt, Readorn, Readout, Reaffix, Reagent, Reagins, Realest, Realgar, Realign, Realise, Realism, Realist, Reality, Realize, Reallot, Realter, Realtor, Reamers, Reaming, Reannex, Reapers, Reaping, Reapply, Rearers, Reargue, Rearing, Rearmed, Reasons, Reavail, Reavers, Reaving, Reavows, Reawake, Reawoke, Rebaits, Rebated, Rebater, Rebates, Rebatos, Rebecks, Rebegan, Rebegin, Rebegun, Rebills, Rebinds, Rebirth, Reblend, Reblent, Rebloom, Reboant, Reboard, Reboils, Rebooks, Reboots, Rebored, Rebores, Rebound, Rebozos, Rebreed, Rebuffs, Rebuild, Rebuilt, Rebuked, Rebuker, Rebukes, Rebuses, Recalls, Recaned, Recanes, Recants, Recarry, Recasts, Receded, Recedes, Receipt, Receive, Recency, Recepts, Rechart, Recheat, Recheck, Rechews, Rechose, Recipes, Recital, Recited, Reciter, Recites, Recking, Reckons, Reclads, Reclaim, Reclame, Reclasp, Reclean, Recline, Recluse, Recoals, Recoats, Recocks, Recoded, Recodes, Recoils, Recoins, Recolor, Recombs, Recooks, Records, Recorks, Recount, Recoupe, Recoups, Recover, Recrate, Recross, Recrown, Recruit, Rectify, Rectors, Rectory, Rectrix, Rectums, Recurve, Recusal, Recused, Recuses, Recycle, Redacts, Redated, Redates, Redbait, Redbays, Redbird, Redbone, Redbuds, Redbugs, Redcaps, Redcoat, Reddens, Redders, Reddest, Redding, Reddish, Reddled, Reddles, Redears, Redeems, Redeyes, Redfins, Redfish, Redhead, Redials, Redlegs, Redline, Redneck, Redness, Redocks, Redoing, Redoubt, Redound, Redouts, Redowas, Redoxes, Redpoll, Redraft, Redrawn, Redraws, Redream, Redress, Redried, Redries, Redrill, Redrive, Redroot, Redrove, Redskin, Redtail, Redtops, Reduced, Reducer, Reduces, Redware, Redwing, Redwood, Reearns, Reedier, Reedify, Reedily, Reeding, Reedits, Reedman, Reedmen, Reefers, Reefier, Reefing, Reeject, Reekers, Reekier, Reeking, Reelect, Reelers, Reeling, Reemits, Reenact, Reendow, Reenjoy, Reenter, Reentry, Reequip, Reerect, Reested, Reeving, Reevoke, Reexpel, Refaced, Refaces, Refalls, Refects, Refeeds, Refeels, Refence, Referee, Reffing, Refight, Refiled, Refiles, Refills, Refilms, Refinds, Refined, Refiner, Refines, Refired, Refires, Refixed, Refixes, Reflags, Reflate, Reflect, Reflets, Reflies, Refloat, Reflood, Reflown, Reflows, Refocus, Refolds, Reforge, Reforms, Refound, Refract, Refrain, Reframe, Refresh, Refried, Refries, Refront, Refroze, Refuels, Refuged, Refugee, Refuges, Refugia, Refunds, Refusal, Refused, Refuser, Refuses, Refutal, Refuted, Refuter, Refutes, Regains, Regaled, Regaler, Regales, Regalia, Regally, Regards, Regatta, Regauge, Regears, Regency, Regents, Reggaes, Regilds, Regimen, Regimes, Reginae, Reginal, Reginas, Regions, Regiven, Regives, Reglaze, Reglets, Regloss, Reglows, Reglued, Reglues, Regmata, Regnant, Regorge, Regosol, Regrade, Regraft, Regrant, Regrate, Regreen, Regreet, Regress, Regrets, Regrind, Regroom, Regroup, Regrown, Regrows, Regular, Regulus, Rehangs, Reheard, Rehears, Reheats, Reheels, Rehinge, Rehired, Rehires, Rehouse, Reified, Reifier, Reifies, Reigned, Reimage, Reincur, Reindex, Reining, Reinked, Reinter, Reissue, Reitbok, Reivers, Reiving, Rejects, Rejoice, Rejoins, Rejudge, Rekeyed, Reknits, Reknots, Relabel, Relaced, Relaces, Relands, Relapse, Related, Relater, Relates, Relator, Relaxed, Relaxer, Relaxes, Relaxin, Relayed, Relearn, Release, Relends, Relents, Releves, Reliant, Relicts, Reliefs, Reliers, Relieve, Relievo, Relight, Relined, Relines, Relinks, Relique, Relists, Relived, Relives, Relleno, Reloads, Reloans, Relocks, Relooks, Relucts, Relumed, Relumes, Relying, Remails, Remains, Remaker, Remakes, Remands, Remarks, Remarry, Rematch, Remated, Remates, Remeets, Remelts, Remends, Remerge, Remiges, Reminds, Remints, Remised, Remises, Remixed, Remixes, Remnant, Remodel, Remolds, Remoras, Remorid, Remorse, Remoter, Remotes, Remount, Removal, Removed, Remover, Removes, Remudas, Renails, Renamed, Renames, Renders, Rending, Reneged, Reneger, Reneges, Renests, Renewal, Renewed, Renewer, Rennase, Rennets, Rennins, Renowns, Rentals, Renters, Rentier, Renting, Renvois, Reoccur, Reoffer, Reoiled, Reopens, Reorder, Repacks, Repaint, Repairs, Repanel, Repaper, Reparks, Repasts, Repatch, Repaved, Repaves, Repeals, Repeats, Repents, Reperks, Repined, Repiner, Repines, Replace, Replans, Replant, Replate, Replays, Replead, Replete, Replevy, Replica, Replied, Replier, Replies, Replots, Replows, Replumb, Repolls, Reports, Reposal, Reposed, Reposer, Reposes, Reposit, Repours, Repower, Repping, Repress, Reprice, Reprint, Reprise, Reprobe, Reproof, Reprove, Reptant, Reptile, Repugns, Repulse, Repumps, Reputed, Reputes, Request, Requiem, Requins, Require, Requite, Reracks, Reraise, Rereads, Reredos, Rerents, Rerisen, Rerises, Rerolls, Reroofs, Reroute, Resails, Resales, Resawed, Rescale, Rescind, Rescore, Rescued, Rescuer, Rescues, Reseals, Reseats, Reseaus, Reseaux, Resects, Resedas, Reseeds, Reseeks, Reseize, Resells, Resends, Resents, Reserve, Resewed, Reshape, Reshave, Reshine, Reships, Reshoed, Reshoes, Reshone, Reshoot, Reshown, Reshows, Resided, Resider, Resides, Residua, Residue, Resifts, Resight, Resigns, Resiled, Resiles, Resilin, Resined, Resists, Resited, Resites, Resized, Resizes, Reslate, Resmelt, Resoaks, Resojet, Resoled, Resoles, Resolve, Resorbs, Resorts, Resound, Resowed, Respace, Respade, Respeak, Respect, Respell, Respelt, Respire, Respite, Resplit, Respoke, Respond, Respool, Respots, Respray, Restack, Restaff, Restage, Restamp, Restart, Restate, Resters, Restful, Resting, Restive, Restock, Restoke, Restore, Restudy, Restuff, Restyle, Results, Resumed, Resumer, Resumes, Resurge, Retable, Retacks, Retails, Retains, Retaken, Retaker, Retakes, Retally, Retaped, Retapes, Retards, Retaste, Retaxed, Retaxes, Retched, Retches, Reteach, Reteams, Retears, Retells, Retenes, Retests, Rethink, Retiary, Reticle, Retiled, Retiles, Retimed, Retimes, Retinae, Retinal, Retinas, Retines, Retinol, Retints, Retinue, Retired, Retiree, Retirer, Retires, Retitle, Retools, Retorts, Retotal, Retouch, Retrace, Retrack, Retract, Retrain, Retread, Retreat, Retrial, Retried, Retries, Retrims, Retsina, Retting, Retuned, Retunes, Returns, Retwist, Retying, Retyped, Retypes, Reunify, Reunion, Reunite, Reusing, Reutter, Revalue, Revamps, Reveals, Reveled, Reveler, Revelry, Revenge, Revenue, Reverbs, Revered, Reverer, Reveres, Reverie, Reverse, Reverso, Reverts, Revests, Reviews, Reviled, Reviler, Reviles, Revisal, Revised, Reviser, Revises, Revisit, Revisor, Revival, Revived, Reviver, Revives, Revoice, Revoked, Revoker, Revokes, Revolts, Revolve, Revoted, Revotes, Revuist, Revving, Rewaked, Rewaken, Rewakes, Rewards, Rewarms, Rewaxed, Rewaxes, Rewears, Reweave, Reweigh, Rewelds, Rewiden, Rewinds, Rewired, Rewires, Rewoken, Rewords, Reworks, Rewound, Rewoven, Rewraps, Rewrapt, Rewrite, Rewrote, Rexines, Reynard, Rezeros, Rezoned, Rezones,Reacts, Readds, Reader, Reagin, Realer, Reales, Realia, Really, Realms, Realty, Reamed, Reamer, Reaped, Reaper, Reared, Rearer, Rearms, Reason, Reatas, Reaved, Reaver, Reaves, Reavow, Rebait, Rebars, Rebate, Rebato, Rebbes, Rebeck, Rebecs, Rebels, Rebids, Rebill, Rebind, Rebody, Reboil, Rebook, Reboot, Rebops, Rebore, Reborn, Rebozo, Rebred, Rebuff, Rebuke, Rebury, Rebuts, Rebuys, Recall, Recane, Recant, Recaps, Recast, Recces, Recede, Recent, Recept, Recess, Rechew, Recipe, Recite, Recits, Recked, Reckon, Reclad, Recoal, Recoat, Recock, Recode, Recoil, Recoin, Recomb, Recons, Recook, Recopy, Record, Recork, Recoup, Rectal, Rector, Rectos, Rectum, Rectus, Recurs, Recuse, Recuts, Redact, Redans, Redate, Redbay, Redbud, Redbug, Redcap, Redded, Redden, Redder, Reddle, Redear, Redeem, Redefy, Redeny, Redeye, Redfin, Rediae, Redial, Redias, Reding, Redips, Redipt, Redleg, Redock, Redoes, Redone, Redons, Redout, Redowa, Redraw, Redrew, Redtop, Redubs, Reduce, Redyed, Redyes, Reearn, Reecho, Reechy, Reeded, Reedit, Reefed, Reefer, Reeked, Reeker, Reeled, Reeler, Reemit, Reests, Reeved, Reeves, Reface, Refall, Refect, Refeed, Refeel, Refell, Refels, Refelt, Refers, Reffed, Refile, Refill, Refilm, Refind, Refine, Refire, Refits, Reflag, Reflet, Reflew, Reflex, Reflow, Reflux, Refold, Reform, Refuel, Refuge, Refund, Refuse, Refute, Regain, Regale, Regard, Regave, Regear, Regent, Reggae, Regild, Regilt, Regime, Regina, Region, Regius, Regive, Reglet, Reglow, Reglue, Regnal, Regnum, Regret, Regrew, Regrow, Reguli, Rehabs, Rehang, Rehash, Rehear, Reheat, Reheel, Rehems, Rehire, Rehung, Reigns, Reined, Reinks, Reived, Reiver, Reives, Reject, Rejigs, Rejoin, Rekeys, Reknit, Reknot, Relace, Relaid, Reland, Relate, Relays, Relend, Relent, Relets, Releve, Relics, Relict, Relied, Relief, Relier, Relies, Reline, Relink, Relish, Relist, Relive, Reload, Reloan, Relock, Relook, Reluct, Relume, Remade, Remail, Remain, Remake, Remand, Remans, Remaps, Remark, Remate, Remedy, Remeet, Remelt, Remend, Remind, Remint, Remise, Remiss, Remits, Remixt, Remold, Remora, Remote, Remove, Remuda, Renail, Rename, Rended, Render, Renege, Renest, Renews, Renigs, Renins, Rennet, Rennin, Renown, Rental, Rented, Renter, Rentes, Renvoi, Reoils, Reopen, Repack, Repaid, Repair, Repand, Repark, Repass, Repast, Repave, Repays, Repeal, Repeat, Repegs, Repels, Repent, Reperk, Repine, Repins, Replan, Replay, Repled, Replot, Replow, Repoll, Report, Repose, Repots, Repour, Repped, Repros, Repugn, Repump, Repute, Requin, Rerack, Reread, Rerent, Rerigs, Rerise, Reroll, Reroof, Rerose, Reruns, Resaid, Resail, Resale, Resawn, Resaws, Resays, Rescue, Reseal, Reseat, Reseau, Resect, Reseda, Reseed, Reseek, Reseen, Resees, Resell, Resend, Resent, Resets, Resewn, Resews, Reshes, Reship, Reshod, Reshoe, Reshot, Reshow, Reside, Resids, Resift, Resign, Resile, Resins, Resiny, Resist, Resite, Resits, Resize, Resoak, Resods, Resold, Resole, Resorb, Resort, Resown, Resows, Respot, Rested, Rester, Result, Resume, Retack, Retags, Retail, Retain, Retake, Retape, Retard, Reteam, Retear, Retell, Retems, Retene, Retest, Retial, Retied, Reties, Retile, Retime, Retina, Retine, Retint, Retire, Retold, Retook, Retool, Retore, Retorn, Retort, Retral, Retrim, Retros, Retted, Retune, Return, Retuse, Retype, Reused, Reuses, Revamp, Reveal, Revels, Reverb, Revere, Revers, Revert, Revery, Revest, Revets, Review, Revile, Revise, Revive, Revoke, Revolt, Revote, Revues, Revved, Rewake, Reward, Rewarm, Rewash, Rewear, Reweds, Reweld, Rewets, Rewind, Rewins, Rewire, Rewoke, Reword, Rewore, Rework, Reworn, Rewove, Rewrap, Rexine, Rezero, Rezone, Reach, React, Readd, Reads, Ready, Realm, Reals, Reams, Reaps, Rearm, Rears, Reata, Reave, Rebar, Rebbe, Rebec, Rebel, Rebid, Rebop, Rebus, Rebut, Rebuy, Recap, Recce, Recit, Recks, Recon, Recta, Recti, Recto, Recur, Recut, Redan, Redds, Reded, Redes, Redia, Redid, Redip, Redly, Redon, Redos, Redox, Redry, Redub, Redux, Redye, Reeds, Reedy, Reefs, Reefy, Reeks, Reeky, Reels, Reest, Reeve, Refed, Refel, Refer, Refit, Refix, Refly, Refry, Regal, Reges, Regma, Regna, Rehab, Rehem, Reifs, Reify, Reign, Reink, Reins, Reive, Rejig, Rekey, Relax, Relay, Relet, Relic, Relit, Reman, Remap, Remet, Remex, Remit, Remix, Renal, Rends, Renew, Renig, Renin, Rente, Rents, Reoil, Repay, Repeg, Repel, Repin, Reply, Repos, Repot, Repps, Repro, Reran, Rerig, Rerun, Resat, Resaw, Resay, Resee, Reset, Resew, Resid, Resin, Resit, Resod, Resow, Rests, Retag, Retax, Retch, Retem, Retia, Retie, Retro, Retry, Reuse, Revel, Revet, Revue, Rewan, Rewax, Rewed, Rewet, Rewin, Rewon, Rexes.
REmarkable <smile>
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 14, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Shifting gears to an important part of my recovery & revention: Health & Fitness.
I've struggled (in most all ways inner and outer) with being fat my whole life. At age 6 or 7, My mom bought my clothes in the "Husky" department. (Husky, meaning, over-weight | fat, although it's interesting my dictionary has no such definition. Ah marketing <smile>).
I graduated high school standing 5 foot 9 inches + and weighing 198 pounds. I've spent my entire life fat. The psychological pain associated with my physical state was in direct proportion to the flab 'round my waist, upper thighs & arms, butt and chest— think 13 year old boy in the school locker room being laughed at for having "breasts better than the girls" and you'll get the idea.
At some points in my life I'd gotten down lower on the bathroom scale, but I was STILL fat. Even almost 20 years of Macrobiotics— brown rice, miso soup, veggies, chewing each mouthful a hundred times— didn't change that. I was fat and that was that.
Three months ago I began a weight-loss / cleansing diet that has transformed my life. I have discovered that I am a skinny guy with growing muscles & the physical strength that goes with them.
I now know— and say so— it's a FAT-loss / Cleansing / Muscle-Building diet. I've lost 20 pounds and 9 inches from my waist and I can keep it off & gone even on days and numbers of days I cheat or get careless with either or both food & exercise.
I canNOT walk past a mirror without strinking the classic "Charles Atlas" strong man pose and flexing my arms. Every week my muscles are more defined (read ripped... okay, torn, but getting there).
The cornerstones of my success are: Enlightened Meal Replacement. A quasi Hunter-Gatherer Diet. (MOre or less) Weekly Cleansing. (Almsost) Daily Exercise.
The Keystone is a morning "shake" for breakfast. NOT just any shake. I used the word "Enlighteded" above deliberately. My shake is a superior quality whey-based advanced formula that burns fat, restores & promotes optimal metabolism, nails my cravings (and does a great job on that satiated thing), keeps my cholesterol below the line AND kicks my immune system up a notch as well.
If you want to learn the truth about the power & profound transformation possible with the "Way Of Whey," start by clicking here to learn from Dr. Oz how to use Breakfast Shakes: Drink Yourself Skinny. In the article he explains how a great shake can...
There's more. Lots. (I'd say "tons" but that's too fat a word <smile>.) And I will tell you about it.
And... I'll bet you want to know "How much does it cost?"
More than $3.00 LESS than that breakfast pictured above at one of the cheaper chains NOT known for the highest quality ingredients.
For now, I know a whey you can lose fat and gain muscle and I'm happy to tell you about it.
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 14, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (22) | TrackBack (0)
The program of recovery I'm involved in puts a lot of emphasis on meetings. They come in a variety of shapes and sizes.
I attended one this Sunday morning we call a "Speaker's Meeting." The focal point of the meeting is one person standing up and telling his or her story. In a society of alcoholics, you'll rarely find a speaker's story that's within a mile of being boring. When you get down and to the-heart-of-the-matter just about everybody's life is pretty damn fascinating. Have "any" of those "bodys" be members of a fellowship of drunks... the description "fascinating" is likely a paragon of understatement.
The speaker at this meeting was a friend of mine. I'll call him MIke.
What an amazing life this man has had. Tough guy. Made so by sexual & psychological abuse as a child. High school athlete of the winning kind. Super-sized "I'll show you" chip on his shoulder that sent him into the Marines right out of school just so he could do a righteous retribution number on his parents by declining a number of juicy athletic college scholarships. Learned to drink so well in the Marines when his hitch was up they suggested he not come back for another. Bounced all around the working including rodeo cowboy. Learned lots of skills. The man can build and fix anything.
The part of the story that got my attention was that one night, his young wife was out. He put hIs little girl— she was one-plus something— in her crib and he fell asleep on the couch. He woke up and his daughter wasn't there. He looked all around, asked his cousin who was in the house where the baby was, but she didn't know.
His wife had mopped the kitchen floor earlier in the day and left the back door open. He went outside and found his little girl. In the pool. Drowned.
A room full of people handed him their hearts instantly, but that did nothing to stem the anguish he experienced in the telling— a big, tough guy's pain that even he couldn't muscle away.
There was more to Mike's story. How he got busted again and again. All drinking related. All arrogance related. How a "savior" judge gave him a forced-choice that put him in our program and not in prison. Mike said that judge saved his life. Probably so.
When he was done speaking I stood and clapped and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and told him I loved him.
Driving home I looked again at Mike's story and noticed a few things: He never mentioned he was drunk that night and that that's why he fell asleep on the couch. And he made two innocent, yet "red flag" points in his story that jumped out at me: How his cousin was there in the house, too, and that his wife had left the back door open: Unaware cousin... careless wife...
I sure as hell am NOT picking on MIke. He's a mirror for me, as we all are for each other. In this instance, he showed me how much more there is to being honest— really, truly honest.
He left out an important detail for his recovery— acknowledging he was drunk. Who knows if his little girl would be alive if he wasn't wasted that night. It's important in terms of his accepting full responsibility. And so is any possibility that his cousin should of/could have been more watchful or that his wife had left the door open and... Both of those ideas kept in mind leave the back door open for Mike.
My reflection on Mike's story sends me looking closer at my own. Have I told the truth about where I was and wasn't responsible for the unwanted circumstances that have happened in my life? Have I created any subtle scapegoats I can conveniently share the blame with to ease my pain, but that distance me from the truth of my culpability?
I'll speak with Mike about this all. The beauty of the man and our relationship is that we both know we're in this together. Our fellowship directs us and inspires us— requires us— to practice this depth of honestly with ourselves and each other.
It's a deeper kind of honesty than I've experience in most of the rest of the world. And I marvel at it. And it scares me and I love it, both at the same time.
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 13, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
You've doubtless heard Joyce Kilmer's words before (probably many times):
I used to think I was a creative guy. I've got a Bachelors of Fine Arts degree (after all). I'm a writer (which is like a poet, and therefore one of those "fools" Alfred— Joyce's real first name— was rhyming about). People have told me, since I was a kid, how "creative" I was and am.
What I am realizing is that "I" (acutally "i") am NOT creative at all. I don't create waste matter discharged from the bowels after food has been digested. (I'm guessing you know what word I could have used there...) Neither do you— any of you, any of us.
Look at this picture please...
That's one of those trees— albeit a magnificent one— that only GOD can make.
What else is there on Earth that only GOD can make?
That hill the tree is growing up from, the grass on it, the dirt beneath the grass, the rocks under the dirt, the trees on the hills behind (repeat the grass, dirt, rock deal for all of that & them, too), the shadow of the tree that's made by the light of the sun, the eyes you and I are using to look at the picture, the brain that recognizes that's a tree and the voice inside that uses language to tell us "that's a tree"... ALL of that. GOD made. ALL That Is. GOD made. Everything.
You & I don't create anything.
If that's so— and it's obvious to me that it is— just what is it that you & I DO with what we know to call our life & work?
Spiritual Awakening & Experience, indeed...
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 12, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
The alcoholic Fellowship I'm apart of learned early (as in from THE very beginning of the meeting of members #1 and #2) that the rubber-met-the-road when one alcoholic "ministered" to another. It's in that same spirit that I've taken to respond to selected comments as posts. Hence this conversation from Jeremiah Charles | with my comments in between.
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Jeremiah C... I appreciate what you are saying and, again, am glad you are licking this affliction...or at least the symptoms. Upon reading it, again doing so again, one thing struck me. It sounded very familiar. And it sounded familiar because I have had this discussion with another member(?) not too long ago and his response bore striking similarities. When I hear something like this, I take a step back.
John F... Because (the step back)?
I'll guess your anteanna went up, a red flag appeared, something like that. (I'll continiue as if you agree with that assessment.) Next time that happens, take a look at you & yours FIRST, before you conclude there's something fishy and you should be on-guard. That "step back" is a perfect & proper set-up for inviting a seek-and-find of "What's wrong." I'm also guessing that your agenda is you looking for faults, not for finding value. Just look and see Jeremiah C... <smile>
Jeremiah C... I did a little digging (not an exhaustive search) and found some information about alcohol allergies. They do not seem to have anything to do with addiction and the symptoms are different than what one would identify with what is commonly known as an "alcoholic". And, while I do understand that you and those in similar circumstances would do well to steer clear of alcohol to avoid spiraling out of control like you have said you do, it seems to me through observation and a little research, that the alcohol is only the means to the end and that it is merely a symptom of an underlying issue in the body.
John F... So now it's time for a more exhaustive search. You'll learn just how much agreement within the medical field there is for the allergy and the "disease" of alcoholism. Searching our literature you'll find that it is a two-fold proposition:
Jeremiah, we (most of us) drink to self-medicate a variety of mental challenges— character defects and the difficulties they cause. Drinking relieves the stress. Drowns the FADWAS (Fear. Anger. Dispair. Worry. Anxiety. Sadness.) so we have a momentary respite from their negative effects on our lives & work. And alcohol does a great job— until it doesn't anymore.
Alcoholics— as differentiated from other drinkers, even of the heavy variety— have a craving. You don't have it. My wife doesn't. I do.
You guys can STOP drinking. I & we can't. It takes over. Can you have a couple of glasses of wine (or whatever) have enough and say "That's it. That's all"...? Alcoholics don't/can't do that. We marvel at a partner who can get up from the table with a third of a glass of wine left in their glass and leave. How is THAT possible? Alcoholics would NEVER do that. Ever.
No rocks thrown, but this is one you WILL NOT GET from the website of any other than an alcoholic or the medical people who deal with us.
Jeremiah C... It seems that, without actually addressing this causal factor...
John F... And there you have it. How do you KNOW we don't address the causal factor/ You just made an assumption and it incorrect. I'll let you continue, but with that understanding that you're on the wrong track.
Jeremiah C... (continuing) ...that removing one substance is not fully addressing it and you may seek another addicting behavior to replace the old one, albeit perhaps less damaging. For instance, I knew a man once who had this issue and told me that it ran in his family. Most of the ones afflicted sought alcohol, some drugs. One particular uncle of his was a teetotaler on religious grounds, being a Southern Baptist preacher, or some such. It so happens that, while he did not indulge in drunkenness or drug use, he had an overwhelming urge to overindulge in chocolate! He couldn't get enough of the stuff!
So, this is kind-of what I am getting at with this whole subject. I truly believe that [your program], while good intentioned, unnecessarily demonizes alcohol itself and does not address what causes such ones to have such a reaction to it and other substances...
John F... Not sure if "ignorance is bliss" in your case Jeremiah, but the above is "lack of knowledge or information" which is what ignorance is.
I get you're "pissed off" (whatever, it's got a "charge" for you) at our "demonization' of alcohol, and want to rush to our defense— at least mine. PLEASE, DO NOT HELP ME accross the street. Ask me if I want your help first. I may be going in the opposite direction <smile>.
A demon is as a demon does, and alcohol for me and— and literally, proven, recorded, including unaccountable death certificates— 10's of millions (read that again and get a sense of the roundness of that number) of men & women around the world— is a death sentence. We drink, we die.
Please, don't read what I just wrote lightly. Darkly... yes. It is.
Jeremiah, you're just going to have to read the Big Book to get this. I go to meetings almost daily (at least 4 times a week), speak with my sponsor for hours each week (two, three, more times), study for a couple of hours every day, and do 12 Step work every day, and pray every day to ADDRESS THE CAUSES and I don't drink <smile>. I'm sober. Four months plus. And I know folks who do what I do even after decades of sobriety.
There is no CURE for alcoholism.
There IS a cure for past character defects and the life & work difficulties they cause AND there is a Spiritual Awakening (fast or slow, usually accumulative over time, especially for the guy who authored the idea of GET RICH SLOW) where one "gets right" with his or her "Higher Power" (I call mine GOD) and embraces "Not my WILL but THY WILLl" with GOD as the director of the movie of our life.
Jeremiah C... And, by doing so, they keep the person trapped in a cycle of self-flagellation like an Opus Dei priest who wakes up every morning and flogs himself with the label "alcoholic" and psychologically keeps people dependent on their group and it's fraternal support system.
John F... Ah, another diservice Dan Brown performed for the readers & movie goers of the world. Check out http://www.opusdei.org/ to learn what those psychotic whackos are really up to <smile>.
Jeremiah C... Forgive me if I am crossing any lines between us. It is not my intent to undermine any recovery you are going through. And, while I have experienced things related to this vicariously through others close to me, it is not something I personally deal with, so I am approaching this strictly in an objective, academic sense. At the same time, I just have concern that ones like yourself are not getting the best treatment possible to help in a more lasting way. Does what I am saying make sense? I hope you don't take this as me trying to debate you on the issue or be argumentative. If it is better to do so, this can end here. And, my apologies for my lack of writing skills, as I know I am addressing a master :-)
John F... JC, you ain't crossin no lines Mutha'. You're a freakin' Gift from GOD Dude! You have NO idea how wonderfully you are serving me. You MAKE me look deeper, higher, learn more, get off some shit, and eat some shit, and talk some shit, and... Oh dear. I wrote "shit." Now that in itself is liberating. So, thanks for that, too!
You are serving me HUGE Jeremiah C... Huge!
PS. Your "I am approaching this strictly in an objective... ense." I suggest you approach it withOUT objecting first. Look for what's right about it. Find value rather than fault. Once that's done, look for what's missing that will bring about the ideal YOU're after. Might just be a better way.
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 11, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
At my meeting today (and in the church parking lot after the one last night) the topic was RESENTMENT. (Funny how things show up like that, RE-ocurring <smile>)
Knowing Bill W. as a Master Wordsmith (and I gladly & with Awe sit as his feet), I know his choice of words was very well considered. Hence this from my dicting around:
resent |riˈzent|
verb [ trans. ] feel bitterness or indignation at (a circumstance, action, or person) : She resented the fact that I had children.
ORIGIN late 16th cent.: from obsolete French resentir, from re- (expressing intensive force) + sentir ‘feel’ (from Latin sentire). The early sense was [experience (an emotion or sensation),] later [feel deeply,] giving rise to [feel aggrieved by.]
Drilling down a tad— RE: is "again." NOT the first time, but the second, 3rd, 10th, 1187th time...
Sentir is Latin which means feel, feeling.
So, resentment is to RE FEEL. (Hangs around with REact, REspond, REvisit, RE... anything). As they say in Ol' Mexico otra ves. refried beans. Over agin.
So it's not my initial— in the moment— feeling about the person, place or thing that...
It the second time (and all the other times) around on the guitar that that bit of anger, disappointment, sadness becomes a resentment problem.
Somebody does, says something... I get angry about that. Fine. That's what's so. That's what happened. As (my 10 year old says) "No biggie." BUT I don't let it go at that. I bring it back around again... and each and every time I do, it's a...
And it's out to destroy me.
Damn things (angers, etc.) outta' come with a sign 'round their necks...
Imagine the destructive power when I resent a person or an event or an institution or (whatever)... for the hundreth or thousandth time?
Makes it easy. ANY time ANY upset shows up for the second or more time, I gotta' NAIL IT! Right then and right there. It's NOT real. I made it up. Easy thing to do is give it to GOD to cleanse, erase & heal. Easy thing to do times 10, Pray for the person, place or thing. Just ask GOD to bless him, her, it, them... then let it go and move on down the sidewalk.
Only One Per Customer. Wonder if that works with "good things," too. I'll bet it does. But that's post-graduate work. I'll stay in elementary school for now <smile>.
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 10, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
I have rebelled against "organized religion" even back before teen-age times, because...
"Glimpsing one tiny corner of the universe, and that with only half-opened eyes, and working from an exclusively anthropocentric and geocentric point of view, men built up absurd and very horrible fables about a limited and man-like God who conducted his universe very much as a rather ignorant and barbarous prince might conduct the affairs of a small Oriental kingdom.
All sorts of human weaknesses, such as vanity, fickleness, and spite, were attributed to this being.
Then a farfetched and very inconsistent legend was built up concerning original sin, vicarious blood atonement, infinite punishment for finite transgressions; and, in certain cases, an unutterably horrible doctrine of predestination to eternal torment, or eternal bliss, was added.
As Dr. Fox points out, "No such theory as this is taught in the Bible." But that's the message I got. You? Where'd that come from...?
What bugs me about that— and it's now a very small NOT really annoying little gnat— is that's one thing that kept me away & apart from having a "Spiritual Experience" until now. I SO fully & completely appreciate, "GOD as we understand Him." So much room FOR ME to play— develop & grow as a human-siritual being— there.
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 09, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
Friend— for more than Facebook— Tony Rush commented on my recent post, I say 'I am an ALCOHOLIC' because... I want to reply to that & Tony here, so... I will. <smile> In blue.
Tony wrote:
Thoughts that come to mind:
1. Firstly -- and foremost -- I love who you're choosing to be. You've always been an inspiration and -- even though I wasn't aware of your struggles with alcohol -- I'm inspired by your openness and your decision to deal with it.
You rock. :)
Thanks Tony. I appreciate that & you. The "open" part is actually pretty easy. It IS what happened and I'm aware that it serves some people. That's a good thing.
The other "good thing" about doing this is that it's a great way for me to learn, clarify & identify, my thoughts, feelings, memories & beliefs in the matter. That's— I say— required for me to move up & on.
All the above to say that this is in part a selfish enterprise <smile>. So it's GOT TO serve others or I'm toast (and I don't mean the ""Here's to you and here's to me, Friends may we always be! But, if by chance we disagree, Up yours! Here's to me!" kind of toast. <smile>)
2. Secondly, the mini- "are you an alcoholic quiz", if I were to put in the word "food" where you have the word "drink".....it would seem that one could make the argument that overeating is also a disease.
While that may well be true for a tiny minority....most of us who are overweight just aren't exercising the self-control required to manage our weight properly. At least I know that's true in my case.
"Self-control" is a wonderful bit. Alcohol does a biological/chemical dance that is quite different from most all other foods & drinks. So, that's kind of apples & kumquats. Alcoholics are subject to a physical craving and a mental obession— one NOT found in other drinkes of alcohol, even the heavy set (of course the pun was... <smile>)
Thing is Tony, YOU may NOT be able to control you're eating— mental obsession-wise. I don't know enough to know if there's any physical aspect, ala an allergy. I wouldn't think so, but...
If you use our Step 1. "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable." And ask yourself if that's true for you with food, perhaps that would provide some insight into your "condition."
So, I guess my thought is similar to Jeremiah's: what's the positive benefit to putting alcoholism in its own private little category of "choiceless addiction" away from other vices that are equally behavior-driven?
Because being alcoholic is not simply behavior driven. I'll bet you can have a glass of wine, or three (depending on the occasion) and STOP! I cannot. Those three glasses, become three bottles, sure as GOD made little green hard apple cider.
3. Two of the three steps that you've adopted for dealing with alcoholism apparently require you to believe in an invisible, supernatural being for whom no evidence exists and from which all his/her influences on our lives can be explained by other, rational, real-world causes.
I'm not making an argument for atheism at all. But, I have to ask: given the almost TOTAL IMPORTANCE of getting free of alcohol's reign on your life.....what's the thinking behind believing in supernaturalism as a means to that end?
From above (so below <smile>): "...require you to believe in an invisible, supernatural being for whom no evidence exists and from which all his/her influences on our lives can be explained by other, rational, real-world causes."
Oh my. I am way out of my league with you. Gosh, you ARE smart! (I admire you— always have.)
There are other "invisible, supernatural" things in my life "for whom [which] no [tangible, scientific test/microscope like] evidence exists." Best example I have (that we share) is LOVE for my kids. No idea how to "prove" its existence, but I know it's there... Powerfully there.
All I know is that I tried (and tried and tried and tried...) to quit drinking. Stopped for days, weeks, months (three was my personal best), yet always returned to the game— probably not all that oddly, drinking MORE than before. Might I do that again? Possible. And I doubt it. The whole feel... commitment... expectation... certainty (to use with care a word you taught me the real importance of).
Ala the mini-quiz, I could not not... Could not stick to any stated limit... Could not stop once I started... In the final year I woke up thinking about drinking... Worked my way up to two-to-three bottles a day... Was a complete (and devoted) ASSoholic— and all the belligerent, resentful, humilliating, mean-spirited, rude, pathetic professional & personal failure thoughts, feelings and aberant behaviors that went with that confirmed state of being.
Then... One day... I quit!
I know (read "I just KNOW.") GOD did it. Not me. It's a miracle. And I want more of 'em. (Hey, I'm still a greedy obsessive at heart <smile>)
NOT sure this will "help," but I offer it anyway. From the "Big Book:"
He finally realizes that he has undergone a profound alteration in his reaction to life; that such a change could hardly have been brought about by himself alone. What often takes place in a few months could seldom have been accomplished by years of self-discipline. With few exceptions our members find they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves.
Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience. Our more religious members call it “God-consciousness.”
Most emphatically we wish to say that any alcoholic capable of honestly facing his problems in the light of our experience can recover, provided he does not close his mind to all spiritual concepts. He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial.
We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable.
I have faith in GOD. I have faith that we human beings are all GOD's children. And I have faith that my Heavenly Father kicked alcohol's ass on my behalf. If that's a rabbit's foot, I'm going to hang on to it for a while.
... is working for me.
Proud of you brother!
And THAT feels RRRReally good. Thanks.
Tony
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I appreciate you!
Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 08, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Here's a chunk of a recent conversation from Facebook
(The picture is...) Jeremiah Charles I like it better when I read you referring to yourself as "sober" vs. that labeling of yourself as an "alcoholic". It sounds like a more positive and constructive way to view yourself.
Psychologically, is that not more and better geared toward the result that you intend?
It's always struck me as very dis-empowering the way some will constantly place that negative image in their subconscious mind daily and then struggle to break free from it.
Sorry if I sound in a way I do not intend to sound. I hope you don't take this the wrong way. I appreciate you and all that you do and am only coming from a place of wanting the best for you and yours :-)
and Jeremiah continued...
This Jeremiah is clearly NOT a bull frog <smile>. Rather a sensitive sort I would have agreed with completely some five months ago. But not now. Here's why. (Learned with grateful acknowledgment to the authors of the "Big Book" for their pioneering effort & insghts.)
And please NOTE: I am neither a medical doctor nor an experienced counselor and I am not an expert on alcoholic-anything except my own experience. That said...
Alcoholism is a disease of body & mind, which combines a physical allergy with a mental obsession. There are many in the world who believe being an alcoholic is a choice people have and that it's a matter of will-power to quit drinking or not. They are wrong.
Ask members of the medical profession and a few million recovering alcoholics and you will learn how very mistaken that point of view is.
Mini "Are You an Alcoholic?" Quiz:
1. If when you start your day committed to not taking a drink, do you end your day have kept that commitment— or did you drink? (The alcoholic will almost always drink. I did.)
2. When you begin drinking can you set a limit or intention on how many drinks you will have and have just that many— or do you have more. (The alcoholic will almost always have more— frequently LOTS more. I did.)
3. Once you start drinking can you stop at anytime— or will you have to be forced to stop, i.e.: you pass out, get sick, land in jail, etceteras. (The alcoholic will almost always stop ONLY when forced to. I did.)
Heavy drinkers who are NOT alcoholic (but may become one) can drink and drink and drink, BUT they CAN not drink when they choose. They CAN set a limit before hand and stick to it and they CAN stop at anytime, everytime. An alcoholic canNOT do those things.
An alcoholic has a craving for alcohol that is never satisfied. Tolerance usually increases over time, as does the amount the alcoholic can drink. Normal people do not do this. When they've had enough, they quit drinking or they get sick and stop. When an alcoholic has too much to drink, and gets sick, after the sickness of the moment passes, they'll pick up another drink.
You can commit an alcoholic to a hospital or institution, force him or her to go throught treatment & painful withdrawel, and threaten them with jail, a life of disability and/or death... and in a number of days they will be drunk again.
The dream of almost EVERY alcoholic is that eventually they will be able to have a drink, or two, and control their drinking and their lives.
The fact for almost EVERY alcoholic is that there is no cure. Once an alcoholic— a REAL one— always. The "first drink" is suicide. The number of cases that prove this are as abundant as they are heart-breaking and life-taking.
Again: Alcoholism is a disease of body & mind, which combines a physical allergy with a mental obsession.
"My name is John and I am an alcoholic," is a statement of fact. It is a declaration that OPENS the possibilities of living one-day-at-a-time, sober, free, whole & complete, with my wife & kids and my life back & work, celebrating the miracle GOD gave me when He stopped my drinking again. (And believe me, GOD did it. NOT me. I had tried for years. And, it IS a miracle.)
And it CLOSES the possibilities that I will ever drink again.
Step 1. We admitted we were powrless over alcohol— and that our lives had become unmanageable.
Step 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Step 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of GOD as we understood Him.
The Gift of Despairation and A Miracle.
"My name is John and I am an alcoholic," and although not "proud of it" in the conventional sense, I am increasingly grateful that's who & what I AM.
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I appreciate you!
Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 07, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
If you haven't already, would you please read My Story— What I used to be like... and My Story, Part Two. What happened? down below first. You'll understand way better what's going on in this post after you do. Use the links to get there from here.
So, My Story, Part Three. What It's Like Now? Which means what I'M like now ('cept that seems so arrogant and self-something, I chose to write "It's" instead.)
I honestly don't know where to start... Oh. Sure (I keep forgetting <smile>), I'm sober.
Really. When I count my blessings (instead of sheep) I frequently forget "sober." I'm thinking that's because not drinking nor wanting to is such a "done deal" for me today that I gloss over it. That in itself is a red flag, so... I'll look closer. (I've never been good at accepting acknowledgment, especially mine of me.)
Four months-plus. As of this moment's writing,133 days, 10 hours, 28 minutes, 8 seconds. No kidding, there's a "sobriety calculator" on ukjohnd.com. Amazing! <smile>
In a nutshell (that it is way to BIG to fit), the shortest & most honest self-assessment I can offer would be, Tous les jours à tous points de vue je vais de mieux en mieux. That's Émile Coué's wonderful mantra...
It's true. I am. Well, almost every day & way.
There are times when it's more accurate to say "every other day" or in "every other way." But for the most part the remark is accurate. And please understand this comes from a false-self quite well-schooled in beating the hell out of John Milton just for sport. The list of miracles grows.
Every aspect of my inner & outer life is improving in a visible & tangible way... save one— and I am NOT going to give voice (nor fingers on these keys) to mentioning that, because the thing I am most aware of now is that JOB #1 for me is to Manage My Thinking, Speaking & Listening. And THAT is the hardest challenge I'm facing at present.
It was my out-of-control mind that made my life unmanageable and seduced, then bullied, me into alcoholism in the first, second and 187th place. That mind-of-mine still exists. I call it the "mind field," 'cause I step on exploding thoughts daily.
This is, I am aware, both a problem and an opportunnity. However me being my self (as in false-self), my emphasis is still more often on the problem.
My mental gravity pulls me down into a habitual focus on "What's wrong?" Nothing new. That's a lifetime deal for me. What is new however, is the alive-and-well commitment to change that for the better forever AND what's even more valuable is the Belief— incrementally transcending into Faith— that it's actually possible.
Catalogue of Ships (like the Iliad <smile>)
My days of sobriety... the transformation of my body from fat to fit... the increasing alacrity with which I remember to "Judge not" (not even thinking "least I be") in the moment... the growing willingness & ability to let go and let GOD... the creeping (as in slowly & deliberately moving upwards) reality that I AM a son of GOD... and we are ALL GOD's children and therefore both human & spiritual brothers and sisters of One Infinite Family... and that Jesus Christ IS my brother and yours (just a tad radical for a devout non-Christian such as I have been)... and that my "Though For the Day" Everyday (and every minute I'm aware enough to remember) is:
I'm pausing, amazed that I can be so out-of-breath from just writing the list of those things.
Yeah, well... it's like that these days.
There ARE some rough spots.
I wake up foggy as well as Foggy <smile>. Mentally, I actually & frequently feel a bit hung-over (which considering how long it's been since I've had a drink... mystifies me). Perhaps I did hangover for so long it's a biological part of me. I trust/hope that's a temporary phenom. I also have a great deal of trouble staying focused— again, mentally. My mind jumps from this thought to that to this to...
This butterfly thinking shows itself blatantly in prayer. I often struggle to keep focused on the specific words of the Lord's Prayer— and their meaning— without my mind flying off with some new thought like a promiscuous new divorcée (or however the male of that species is spelled) at a singles bar.
Being so frequently distracted is driving me to distraction. I'd give that another <smile> but it's actually painful & I pary it stops soon.
My writing is the best it's been in years. Still self-indulgent (which since you've read this far comes as no surprise to you <smile>).
The Greatest Networker in the World was written in 1992 this month. Although I was drinking then, I wasn't yet the card-carrying drunk I became. So, what I'm writing now is some of the first sober stuff I've done in 20 years.
My career/business is quite UNtogether. I'm not really sure what is best for me to be doing— outside of cleaning up a very dirty past. I have a number of HUGE writing commitments to keep & amends to make to too many for taking so over-long on projects I've already been paid for. Facing those broken promises & procrastinations is a lot like looking up the trail to the top of Kilimanjaro and realizing I have a cast on both legs.
Deep breath. Nike! (Just do it!) I know. I know.
And then... there's my wife. I've known Katyusha for 15 years. We've been married for 10.
Her first night in the United States I took her to dinner at Windows on the World on the 107th floor of the North Tower of the World Trade Center. We stayed in a suite at the Waldorf. I had enough success & money to play the "big shot," so I did. When we were together, we traveled together to a number of sexy & exotic places in Mexico, Hawaii, California, Arizona, Manhattan, up through New England.
Did I mention I was married at the time? Probably not. Alcoholics do things like that.
Somewhere around 2002 was the beginning of my down-hill drinking slide in earnest (odd that one of earnest's synonyms is "sober"). So, Katyusha has had the best of me and the worst of me. No. She's never really had the best of me.
I've been sober now for four months— as the calculator worked out, 133 days. We've been married for 3750 days. As a percentage, Katyusha has been with me not drinking & drunk for 3.5% of the time we've been married. That's a lot of dark and muddy water under the bridge.
Do you know (I know you don't, but think about it) how many times I have driven that woman AND her child or children home drunk...? The number of angry and designed to cause pain-on-purpose words this wino wordsmith shot her with (and rarely if ever missed)...? Or how often she must have endured a wife's & woman's ultimate gift of human & spiritual intimacy with a drunkard...?
So... that one's going to take a while. And, it goes well enough. Judge not least ye be judged... Let go let GOD... being aware of playing the Mirror Game (that Katyusha reflects me back to me)... Listening without mental judging... Shutting my mouth... And as often as I can with the goal of always and in all ways Asking GOD for His Guidance, Grace, Compassion, Forgiveness, Understanding, Imagination, Wisdom, Patience, Power, Peace, Love... These are the things I practice with my wife.
My sponsor tells me that the whole business of marriage is THE toughest part of all of your life to reconcile after you've quit drinking, because: The past is ever-present. Trust is a thing of that past. How trust-worthy was I for my wife in the past? You "see" some of the challenges.
He tells me, "Give it one full year— come hell or high-water. When you've done that, you'll know if there's a next step and what that is. Until then... Hang in." Fine advice.
So, my marriage is a drive— sometimes rush-hour others a Sunday saunter— down "Hang In There Lane," a two-way street with a very cautious speed limit as befits a well-traveled road under REconstruction. (There's that RE again <smile>.)
There will be more signs and posts to keep you posted.
What my life is like now at Day 132 of sobriety is like building a Network Marketing business: Simple and not easy.
and
... are my two main areas of focus.
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I appreciate you!
Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 06, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Randy Gage just posted this on his Prosperity Blog. A different message stood— actually vaulted— out to me than the one Randy seemed to be focusing on. I'll ask you to watch first, then I'll tell you what struck me. So, watch. Now. Please.
What nailed me about Arthur's transformation— amongst the dozen inspiring & inspired messages, such as caring, contribution, persistence, courage, never give up, et'cet'eras— was this line of his:
Why didn't I quit drinking before? I didn't believe sobriety could happen for me.
Why didn't I get on a fat-loss/cleansing/muscle-building diet before? I didn't believe being thin could happen to me.
Why didn't I get back in the gym before? I didn't believe muscles could happen to me.
Why didn't I study and pray and meditate for a spiritual awakening before. I didn't believe a relationship with GOD could happen for me.
So... anything "out there" that you've stopped wanting, because you don't believe it can happen for you?
Watch the video again.
______________________________
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I appreciate you!
Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 05, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
NOTE: This is ridiculeous long for a post. (The PDF goes on to six-pages.) I couldn't find a way to do a <more> tag and have most of it continued on another page. Sorry. (Also still way too impatient to wait to learn how before posting.) So, here it is in PDF for you to download and read on your own machine or print out. Assertions&Assessments.pdf
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REcovery... REinvention... RE, RE, RE. So, it makes sense and stands to reason (Does it have to sit for intuition?) that I'm REvisiting many of my former mentors & studies. Hence this from Chris Majer's stellar manual-manifesto for 180 degrees of change, The Power To Transform.
What brings this back & up for me are Chris' ideas around the truth about truth, and the business of possibilities being OPEN and CLOSED. No one in my experience explained both distinctions as clearly to me as Chris has, nor made them as practically & powerfully useful.
Short course: There's very (read VERY) little real & universal truth out there. Chris calls those assertions. What there is much & many, many more of are assessments— our opinions, feelings, thoughts, sensations, and personal points of view, and are the building blocks for our interpretations of the world and characterizations of each other.
Knowing the differences matters, because we often mistake things we and others say for the truth (an assertion) and...
It's our assessments that have us DO things, any and everythings. And that's where the business of OPEN and CLOSED becomes important, too.
Have our assessments OPENED possibilities that are in our best interest... that serve us and our purpose & goals? Have they CLOSED some possibilities— and does that serve us & others as well?
As quick eamples: The 12-Step Program that I'm following & studying OPENS the possibilities for Spiritual Awakening— our Society makes that fundamentally important for recovery. And, it CLOSES the possibility of taking that first drink.
OPEN isn't good and CLOSED bad. They're both neutral.
As you read the excerpt below from The Power To Transform you'll get a better sense of this— one which I hope will open some possibilities and close others. And of course, it's not the truth <smile>.
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We have created a world that moves at a pace our bodies were not designed to contend with. Our biology has not developed anywhere near as fast as our technology.
We have created our world with language, and if we are going to successfully adapt to the revolution in communications, the flattening of the world, and the epidemic of change, we must grasp the generative nature of language. It is the key to our collective future and the key to your transformation.
Because this idea is so important to the work we're going to be doing together, let's be clear about how humans use language to generate their realities. I don't mean that you can simply announce, "I won the lottery!" and make it true. That would be magic, and we're talking about how language shapes reality, not fantasy. And yet a new world opens up when we see the possibilities we hold when we truly comprehend the generative power of language.
Let's turn to shaping a deeper understanding of what I mean when I talk about language and to building some basic practices in this new realm. I will begin by teaching you what we call the basic linguistic moves, then show you how we use these moves to construct and make operational the principles that will enable you to take your place in this new world. When I talk about language, I am not talking about a specific language such as English, French, Chinese, Spanish, or
Hindi. I am talking about the phenomenon of language.
What this means is that whenever a human being opens his or her mouth to speak, he or she is making one of these moves, regardless of what language is spoken. The basic linguistic moves are:
That's it. That's all there is. There may be a million words in the English language, but no matter how you mix, match, or configure them, you will be making one of these moves.
Once you begin to see that these basic moves construct your world, entirely new realms of possibility will open up, and actions that you would have thought impossible will become commonplace.
Read any magazine, newspaper, or book, and all you have are various combinations of these moves. Once you come to see them clearly, you will be able to perceive things that others don't, laugh at some of the pretentiousness around you, and be very clear about what is unfolding-how language is in that very moment shaping reality. Stay with me and watch what happens. Here is how these basic linguistic moves work...
[NOTE— I skipped over Declarations in an attempt to keep this as short as possible. The point I'm after here has to do with TRUTH and the power of language to OPEN and CLOSE POSSIBILITIES— JMF]
ASSERTIONS
Assertions are statements that we usually refer to as facts. They can be true or false, and are always oriented to the past or present, never to the future. To be a "true" assertion, it must pass what we call the universal observer test. This means that anyone on the planet, no matter what country he or she is from, would agree with your assertion. Grass is green, water is wet, the sky is blue, and 2 + 2 = 4 are all things that a universal observer would attest to. After that, the list starts to dwindle.
We can assert things only about the past or present because these are the increments of time that we can observe: They have occurred or are unfolding in the moment. The future hasn't happened yet, and thus we can't assert anything about it as fact. There is strong evidence to suggest that the sun is going to rise tomorrow, but we can't state that as an assertion because much as we might all want it to, there is no certainty until it actually happens.
ASSESSMENTS
Assessments constitute the bulk of human speech and communication.
While we spend a lot of time dishing them up, assessments are useful only for designing action, and it is their relationship to action that gives them power.
"Sales are down from this period last year" is an assertion. For now let's assume that we can pull out the comparative sales charts and prove that it is true. So what? The answer to that question depends on your assessment. In and of itself, the statement doesn't drive any particular action. The chief financial officer may assess that this means we need to cut spending and thus he would predictably propose a cost-cutting plan. The head of sales may assess that it means we aren't doing enough to generate business, so we need to spend more on sales initiatives. Which one is right or true?
They are what we call grounded or ungrounded. Grounded means that you can provide assertion-based evidence to support your assessment, and ungrounded means that you cannot. The CFO may base his assessment on his years of experience and the claim that he has been through this before. The head of sales may base her assessment on a comparative analysis of financial performance as driven by research on proportionate investment in sales initiatives over time. Does that make her assessment true? No, it means that it is grounded, but no matter how much grounding you have for an assessment, no matter how much you may like it, or how many people agree with it, it is never true.
Moreover, you will discover that much of what you have always assumed to be the truth or facts about life and our world are merely assessments that have been masquerading or sold to you as assertions.
Unlike assertions, assessments can be oriented toward the future. "I think it is going to rain tomorrow," "I think the market is going to tank," and "I am sure the sun will be up in the morning" are all assessments. They may be grounded, but they can never be true.
Here is why this matters as we work to build the new you. Outside of your physicality-your height, weight, gender, eye color, hair color, and age-there is nothing that we can assert about you that is true. Everything that you think of as your immutable character or nature is all a collection of assessments. You may think, or others may tell you, that you are kind, gracious, attractive, sexy, smart, generous, lazy, or self-centered. None of it is true, not the parts you like or agree with, not the parts you don't like or deny. None of it is true, as they are all assessments.
Again...
We shape the way we act and treat one another based on our assessments. Let's say you are at a party, and a friend of yours introduces you to someone named Jim. You look Jim up and down, and what I am going to call your assess-o-matic starts up. This is something that human beings do. We are constantly assessing everything and everyone. It is a survival mechanism that was very useful when we were hunting on the savannahs and needed to assess whether someone or something new was a potential threat or not, but now that we have evolved beyond that, it isn't necessary in many modern situations. At the party, it kicks in and the little voice in your head begins reeling off a series of assessments. "Hmm, tall, not too heavy, doesn't look very threatening, has a funny mustache, I am sure that I am smarter than him, etc.... " Your friend goes on to say, "Jim is a great guy, and I think you will have a lot in common as you both like to ski." You both like to ski sounds harmless enough, but even this assessment will open certain possibilities and close others. It opens the possibility of an interesting conversation about skiing, a potential new ski buddy, and the opportunity to share insights on the best resorts. At the same time, it may close the possibility of a conversation about snowboarding, surfing, or bowling. They may not be permanently closed, but they fade into the background in the presence of the assessment about skiing.
When you gossip about what a jerk your co-worker is, those around you are shaping an assessment, not just of him, but of you too. They will act on their assessment that you are a gossip and not to be confided in, despite the fact that they come to you for the latest dish. Moreover, your casual, "innocent" assessment of your co-worker can have unintended consequences. People aren't used to grounding assessments. They often just accept them at face value and move with them. When a new project comes up, one that your co-worker would be well suited to, he might never get a call, as someone took your assessment at face value and didn't even offer him a shot at it. Your assessments are not innocent. Each and every one opens and closes possibilities, even when they are about you...
_____________________________
from me...
______________________________
Please, let me know what you think & feel in the Comments box...
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I appreciate you!
Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 03, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
More from Emmet Fox's classic The Sermon on the Mount: The Key to Success in Life.
There is only one way under the sun by which man can attain harmony, that is to say, health, prosperity, peace of mind— salvation [sobriety— physical, mental, emotional & spiritual], in the true sense of the word— and that is by bringing about a radical and permanent change for the better in his own consciousness. This is the one and only way; there is no other.
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In Chapter Five of the "Big Book" it says, "We thought that we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not."
"This is the one and only way; there is no other."
Somethings are like that. That's just the way of it.
______________________________
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I appreciate you!
Posted by GreatestNetworker on August 03, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
If you haven't already, it would be good to (and would you please) read My Story— What I used to be like... down below first. You'll understand way better what's going on here. Use the link to get there from here.
So, My Story, Part Two. What happened?
What happened that brought me to the point where I stopped drinking and took action to change my life for the better (hopefully) forever?
Two things:
and...
Those two things were operative to have me stop killing myself, destroying my health, wealth, mind, marriage, career... all of what had become the downward spiral of my life.
The fulcrum, Gladwell's Tipping Point, after which my life was not all but mostly downhelll (typo intended)— was this from Part One of My Story— What I used to be like...:
My drinking career— spanning 40 years— had been one of increasing consumption right from the very beginning in my 20's. In my 30s alcohol became part of my life. In my 40's, an important daily part. From my mid-50's to March 27, 2012 (at age 64) I was an alcoholic of the first & finest order and my drinking was increasingly getting out-of-control. Month after month for 10 years.
That was easier than dealing with the FADWAS (Fear. Anger. Despair. Worry. Anxiety. Sadness) that plagued me 24/8— thoughts & emotions which oddly <smile> were in direct proportion to the amount I drank.
I was always some-kind-of hung over. Alcohol poisoning was my normal "blood count." (I could as easily have been arrested for a DUI at 8 in the morning as at midnight— which was way past my passed-out time.) Mental clarity was fleeting at best and that condition was getting worse— much, MUCH worse. My relationships were deteriorating on all personal & professional fronts.
Christmas of 2011, I brought my wife's parents across from Lithuania (at an expense I could not afford) and my Mom down from Pennsylvania, along with my older kids Johnny and Rachel, to join Katyusha, Ele, Anais and I for the Great! first & probably last family Holiday & Holyday gathering. (My mom, then 91, and Katyusha's parents had never met.)
I behaved well for two days. I was drunk, completely & totally, for the rest of my wife's parents stay and continued in that state through to my BirthDay on January 4th.
That ultimate humiliation— me absurdly drunk all over Christmas with her parents and my mother there— was the last of it for my wife. She moved out of our bedroom and slept upstairs with the girls from then on.
That's what my stepmother, Serena Virginia Fogg, had done to my father— withholding sex as long as he drank— which meant until he was 53ish and died of emphysema and cirrhosis. (And I was drinking & smoking.)
I hated her for that (although I understood completely and empathized). Now that was happening TO ME! I couldn't stand it.
I had known for years that I had to quit. I tried. Succeeded a number of times— the longest for about four months. But each time I went back to drinking.
I know now (didn't then, though I absolutely knew I WAS an alcoholic and had known for years) that I had the allergy of alcoholism— a diabolical convergence of a physical craving coupled with a mental obsession. It is a terminal disease and there is no cure.
I am aware that some will argue with that assessment. Feel free. Although I once did as well, I no longer have the need.
My own experience of being powerless over alcohol and my life being unmanageable— added to the hundred's-of-thousands of men & women who've shared the exact same "symptoms"— is unarguable. Besides, it doesn't matter to me nor them what anybody else thinks. We know.
Toward the end, I though about when I would drink as soon as I woke up. Some days, even before I got out of bed. I planned my day around when I would drink: What time? When would I have the first glass of red wine— 2, 3... wait until 5? What kind did I have in the house— how much? Did I need more? Where would I get it? How much money could I spend? I was more often than not close-to-broke, but that $1400 a month wine bill was a priority. That's hundreds more than we spent for food!
My heartfelt desire was to be able to have two or three glasses of wine and call it a day. Never happened. Even when I set out with the clear & powerful intention of doing exactly and only that. No way. Two glasses led to the third. The third to another bottle. And all-too-often bottle second required bottle third.
Did I taste any of it? After the first glass, no. Did I enjoy it? Not the point... which by that point was to get drunk and stay drunk. It's technically called, "Drinking for oblivion." I was completely unaware and unconscious of what was happening— and that was also my goal.
I was dying. It was only a matter of time before I sealed the deal (and the coffin). My marriage was shot. My career all but gone. My once-upon-a-time brilliant & creative mind mush. My ability to serve anybody & make a contribution other than to the financial success of the wine trade...
I could hear Jim Morrison singing (and haunting).
I was doing a book with a man affectionately called Jimmy "The Butcher" Smith. He's a legend in our business (Network Marketing) having made more than $30 million for himself and his family in the last 10 years (and he's now 84). He's also been sober for almost 30 years. He's a member of the Fellowship. He sent me a copy of the Big Book. He urged me to go to a meeting. He became my first sponsor. He saved my life.
Monday, March 26th, 2012, was my daughter Anais' 6th BirthDay. Her favorite restaurant in C'ville is Mas. My mom was in town, so all "my girls;" Eleanor (the mom), Katyusha, Rachel, Ele and the BirthDay girl went there to dinner. Rachel ordered the wine. I drank two pretty tasteless glasses of a wine I knew well & usually liked well enough. I just didn't have it in me to like it that night. That evening was the end of it. I quit.
I mark my sobriety date as March 27, 2012.
That makes this Day 127. No desire. No more. Had many chances. No desire. None.
I am an alcoholic and I am powerless over alcohol. I have a disease that combines a physical craving and a mental obsession. It is above all else a "spiritual malady." Yet I have not had a drink nor a desire for a drink in more than four months.
How did THAT happen?
And more about that soon.
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on July 31, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)
As first referenced in the post, I Want To Be Poor In Spirit, I'm reading/studying Emmet Fox's classic The Sermon on the Mount: The Key to Success in Life (Amazon link).
In that post, I mentioned that Fox's secretary was the mother of one of the men who worked with co-founder of our Fellowship Bill W., and partly as a result of this connection early groups often went to hear Fox. His writing, especially "The Sermon on the Mount," became very popular in the Fellowship. And his work is woven throughout the book that outlines the course of study and the 12 Steps that are the basis of our Program of recovery.
It is, sadly for me, no longer de rigueur (as I understand it once was) to specifically focus on some of the spiritual & religious "sources" for the fellowships understanding of a "higher power." It's such a rich resource for deepening my own understanding as well as my practically applying the Steps. Such is life <smile>.
Digression done. Here's the point of this post...
For with what judgement ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye. (Mathew VII)
And Fox explains...
THIS section of the Sermon on the Mount consists of five short verses, and only about one hundred words, and yet it is hardly too much to say that at its simple face value it is the most staggering document ever presented to mankind. In these five verses we are told more about the nature of man and the meaning of life, and the importance of conduct, and the art of living, and the secret of happiness and success, and the way out of trouble, and the approach to God, and the emancipation of the soul, and the salvation of the world, than all the philosophers and the theologians and the savants put together have told us—for it explains the Great Law. It is vastly more important that a man, and still more that a child, should be taught the meaning of these five verses than that he should learn anything else that is taught in schools or colleges. There is nothing to be found in any of the ordinary courses of study; there is nothing to be learned in any library, or in any laboratory that is one-millionth part as important as the information contained herein. If it were ever possible to justify the fanatical saying “Burn the rest of the books, for it is all in this one,” it would be in reference to those words.
If the average man understood for a single moment the meaning of these words, and really believed them to be true, they would immediately revolutionize his whole life from top to bottom; turn his everyday conduct inside out, and so change him that, in a comparatively short space of time, his closest friends would hardly know him. Whether he were the Prime Minister in the Cabinet or the man in the street, this understanding would turn the world upside down for him, and, because the thing is infectious beyond computing, it would turn the world upside down for many, many others as well...
Now there's a promise: To "immediately revolutionize your whole life from top to bottom," all you need do is to...
"Try it you'll like it" doesn't really seem to fit here, but it's worth throwing it out to you anyway. I am. Trying (I mean). Very trying <smile>.
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on July 31, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
As I wrote in the recent post How It Works, it's time to tell my story. The format is taken from this line from Chapter 5 of the Big Book: "Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now."
This is my second shot at this (more accurately my seventh or 10th <smile>). First ones were waaayyyy, too, long and detailed. The writer editing his own is not the best of worlds. It is my world at present, so... Here goes...
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Best to start with some fun, so...
The great rejoinder:
It took decades to become a 5th-degree black-belt alcoholic. I mastered it the way most anyone masters anything— be it a music or marriage, bee-keeping or business.
"How do you get to Carnegie Hall?" The out-of-towner wanting directions asked the New Yorker.
"Practice. Practice. Practice."
That's how I mastered being an alcoholic.
My "Art of Alcoholism" evolved over a span of 40-plus years.
My father, Stewart Kirby Fogg, was an alcoholic. It killed him— half of him. Cigarettes and emphysema did the other 50%. His brother Jack, Dr. John M. (as in Milton) Fogg Jr., was a drinker well. Killed him, too, as I understand. Jack was a charmer when drinking. My dad was not.
My father was a drunk and... I hated him for it— more for who he became when he drank. To this day, I cannot stand the smell of rye or any other "dark" whisky. It reminds.
So does it makes sense that I would become an alcoholic-smoker like my dad?
Insanity.
I began my alcoholic career as a nervous novice at college "beer blasts." I quickly learned from the "pros" to eschew the piddling paper cups and show up with a 60 oz. plastic pitcher. Although I wasn't much for dancing— way too inhibited, uncordinated, fat & white <smile>— I did quickly learn the twists & turns, steps & staggers of an under-age, falling-down drunk.
I had to learn to "like" the taste of beer, but I trained well and hard. The taste never was the thing for me. The high was. The higher the high the better.
Although I had more than my share of memorable drunkathons, I (by the Grace of GOD) managed to stay out of jail and away from harming others— life & limb speaking. Psychologically & spiritually... That's another matter.
Most of my adult life I was a weekend alcoholic. Until I spent a ridiculous summer between houses. My wife and kids were living out of a Subaru station wagon on the road crashing with this friend and that relative while I was bedded down in a beach town on Long Island developing a personal growth course (boggie-boarding and weight-lifting) with my then best friend and drinking more beer than... Well, we took our empty cans back to recycle in green lawn trash bags. Three times a week. Minimum. Our motto was simple:
Once there— consumption wise— I pretty much gravitated back to that bottle- and can-point-average whenever the circumstances permitted.
In the 90s, I became increasingly successful. A well-known author in my field, with (not one but two) million-selling books, and a few dozen others-for-others under my belt— what Social media now calls "an authority figure." The financial success, coupled with speaking gigs around the world, afforded me the expanding resources to upgrade from beer to wine. I became both a fan and a fanatic.
My recovery program's first step reads: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable." I knew I was "probably" an alcoholic (and honestly didn't mind saying so), and all superficial evidences— million-dollar home, 1983 Steinway, Mercedes & Rolex, etceteras— to the contrary... I know "undoubtedly" my life was becoming unmanageable. Very.
Ignoring my intuition in favor of my ego's false courage & judgment, I took on new business partners— for the wrong reasons, and as the 80's cop shows were fond of saying, "They were wrong." Perpetrators indeed and in deed, and criminal in fact, as it turned out. They bankrupted the company we took 10 years to build in less than three.
It's taken me a full decade to admit how devastated I was by the loss of my business. It was my adult life's work— and I was my work. In many ways, I still am.
That was the beginning of my end. Everything save my wine consumption went downhill from there. My self-esteem, self-worth, self-respect— admittedly my lower, false-self, but at the time the only self I was aware I had or was— was ground into the dirt (even though it would take 10 years until I realized it was my own jackboots doing the grinding).
In the interim I managed to drive two women crazy, alienate and abuse the spirits of four remarkable & precious children, get so far in debt I may never see the light of one day's credit again, and pile up a mountain of personal & professional garbage that would make New York City's sanitation department declare its removal impossible.
You may say I'm being too hard on myself. Thanks. I appreciate that. And, I disagree.
My final year-ish of alcoholism (2011 and the first three months of 2012) was a confluence of rivers flowing straight to hell. Again, I missed jail (so far...) and taking a life or lives— including my wife & kids— while driving drunk (unforgivable, truly), but all else— my relationships, finances, career, personal & professional commitments, health, emotional stability, mental clarity... you name it, I blew it all.
Of course there's more. As my Big Book instructs I need to "disclose in a general way what I and my life used to be like." I've done that. With very little between-the-lines effort you can probably fill in lots of blanks.
I've naught to hide. It's part of my program of recovery that I explore & expose all I need to make amends to others for with the only caveat being: "...except when to do so would injure them or others."
Well, I'm suppose I'm supposed to feel better now. I'll try. And screw Yoda. I will TRY. Best I can do now.
Next stop on the Recovery Unlimited, "What happened?" that had me stop drinking and begin to recover & reinvent myself.
Short (and only possible) answer: A miracle.
Until then.
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on July 29, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)
One of my greatest admires (and appreciations) for the 12-Step program I'm in is their Tradition 3.
Only... requirement.. membership... ____________... stop... drinking. I know what all those words mean. The focus of the statement is on DESIRE. NOT a sincere desire... NOT passionate desire... NOT (sorry Napoleon) a burning desire. Simple a desire to stop drinking.
If you/we/me have that, that's all that's required. The program will do the rest. (Really.)
Of course, "Keep coming back. It works if you work it." But to paraphrase Woody Allen, "80% of success is just showing up." Showing up to the BIG Book (study)... with your sponsor... to meetings... to serve... to spread the word(s).
Two funny things: As simple as THAT is... it's NOT easy. AND...
WHO's creating your sobriety...? Your spiritual awakening...? Your getting your life (and maybe your wife & family <smile>) back/together...? Helping your life to (at long last, albeit all too slowly <smile>) become "manageable?"
Only GOD can make a tree, Alfred Joyce Kilmer famously said.
______________________________
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on July 29, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
from Chapter 5 of the "Big Book."
I'm sorry to be so cryptic about all of this— "Big Book," what big book? And only 157,000,000 results if you search that on Google <smile> but... it is a "Tradition" of the program I'm involved with for recovery and the fellowship that surrounds it to maintain anonymity— my own in relation to being part of the group and the world-wide entity itself.
Meet me on the street, call me on the phone, and you'll hear all about it— clearly, directly & by name. I'm PROUD to be associated & involved. But... not what they, the group, want, so I honor that best I can. Unfortunate that the book's acutal ISBN title is the name I'm not supposed to use "at the level of press, film, radio or tv" (to which we can now add social media). Catch 22, indeed. Was Joseph Heller an alcoholic? (Of the first seven Americans who won the Nobel prize for literature; Sinclair Lewis, Eugene O'Neill, Pearl S. Buck, William Faulkner, Ernest Hemingway, John Steinbeck and Saul Bellow... Only two, Buck and Bellow were not alcoholics.)
So, here's How it works, from the Big Book. (Posted just so you know and can better follow the program I'm engaged in.) AND (also so you know), at the beginning of every meeting members read a portion aloud and hand this around the room.
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RARELY HAVE we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now***. If you have decided that you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it - then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought that we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power - that One is God. May you find him now.
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we were willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought.
How it works - Chapter 5, page 58-60
As said, reading this round-robin is the way we begin every meeting I attend here in Charlottesville (other places it may be different).
*** I referenced the line above: Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now, because that's my next post here— My Story.
______________________________
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on July 28, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
Fellowship friend Tom C... turned me back on (years ago I studied & last year got it on my Kindle) to The Sermon On the Mount: The Key to Success in Life, by Emmett Fox.
Fox's "New Thought" ways of looking at things are an anathema to some— mostly those with "rigid" interpretations of the Bible and what it means to be Christian. I find Uncle Emmett (I mean, Emmett is such an avuncular name <smile>) refreshing, insightful and always giving me a fresh, new, and more accessible take on Jesus Christ, the Bible and spirituality.
Here's Dr. Fox's take on a key part of the first of The Beatitudes from Christ's "Sermon":
NOTE: Fox's secretary was the mother of one of the men who worked with co-founder of our Fellowship Bill W., and partly as a result of this connection early groups often went to hear Fox. His writing, especially "The Sermon on the Mount," became very popular in the Fellowship.
To be poor in spirit does not in the least mean the thing we call “poor spirited” nowadays. To be poor in spirit means to have emptied yourself of all desire to exercise personal self-will, and, what is just as important, to have renounced all preconceived opinions in the wholehearted search for God. It means to be willing to set aside your present habits of thought, your present views and prejudices, your present way of life if necessary; to jettison, in fact, anything and everything that can stand in the way of your finding God.
So... another goal to seek on my journey: Becoming "poor in spirit."
Step 1. "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol— that our lives had become unmanageable," is a great start <smile>
______________________________
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Posted by GreatestNetworker on July 26, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
This is piece is from As Bill Sees It— a higher-thought-provoking little book, which is a collection of snips & clips from Bill Wilson, one of the founders of the program of recovery I "belong" to. It's my "bathroom reading." Because using the toilet is something I do every day, having a seat for few quick moments of bodily function & increasing spiritual awareness is great leveraged use of my time, and I'm healthy enough so I'm only there for a page or three <smile>.
Today's Day-By... Somedays I wake up resentful. Baffles me. I'm sober. Not hungover. So... why the resentment? (Character defect 101.)
As you'll read below, it's another thing I can accept and/or change with as much Grace & Wisdom as I can borrow from my Father's lending library of new & improved character traits.
"Too much of my life has been spent in dwelling upon the faults of others. This is a most subtle and perverse form of self-satisfaction, which permits us to remain comfortably unaware of our own defects. Too often we are heard to say, `If it weren't for him (or her), how happy I'd be!'"
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Our very first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are. This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can even begin. Again and again, we shall need to return to that unflattering point of departure. This is an exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice every day of our lives.
Provided we strenuously avoid turning these realistic surveys of the facts of life into unrealistic alibis for apathy of defeatism, they can be sure foundation upon which increased emotional health and therefore spiritual progress can be built.
— Bill Wilson, As Bill Sees It
"...accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are." So, that's what goes on the top of my "To Be Done Today" list. Belongs there everyday.
______________________________
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I appreciate you!
Posted by GreatestNetworker on July 23, 2012 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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